Sunday, September 10, 2006

Sunday Scribbling:What you wouldn't write about

One thing I would NEVER write about is sex, as in sex that I'm having or have had. Some friends of mine discuss and dissect everything that happens to them in bed. I always leave these conversations feeling judged because I won't contribute. It seems disrespectful to the other person involved. And I don't that will ever change about me. But maybe I could have some fun writing racey stuff about my characters. The thought of posting something like this is freaking me out, but I guess that's good--the Sunday Scribbling folks did say that if it's not hard, you're not doing the prompt right...

Here goes.

(FYI, this is from the POV of a character in my story, the one who found the dog and is going to have to abandon it. She's a new widow.)

I miss having sex with my husband more than I would've guessed. I mean, I knew I'd miss lying with him, hugging him with my full body as we dozed off to sleep. But I didn't think much about how I'd miss the physical acts--the sucking, the kissing, the grinding. Cuming. How much I'd miss that.

All the books I've read about grieving a husband's death tell you to buy a vibrator. To try to please yourself. So I did. Embarrassed as I was, I went into a sex shop that I had heard was run by women for women, and I bought the first vibrator I saw. It was bright blue, with a dolphin carved into the handle part. The sales woman--who was pierced in her nose, eyebrow, and lip--asked me if I needed any lubricant, maybe some condoms. I just shook my head and handed her the $40 in cash. No way I'd let this store name show up on my credit card.

When I got home, I read the directions and followed them, washing the thing with soap and water and letting it airdry before its first use. Then I put in the AAA batteries it called for. That's where the directions ended. Now what? I thought. Andrew had always made an act out of undressing me, taking off one piece of clothing at a time and licking and sucking the body parts that were newly exposed. Every time we had sex he did this, and it never lost its magic. By the time he got to my panties, I'd be dying to take him inside me.

I stripped naked and lay under the sheets on my bed. Then I thought that maybe music would help, so I got up and turned on the classical station on the radio on my dresser. The air felt cold against my naked skin. By the time I was back in bed, the music ended and a commercial for Oriental rugs came on. Not exactly erotic. I held the vibrator in my hands, feeling its rubber plastic exterior. I turned it on and was shocked by how powerful it was. When I closed my fist around it, the vibrations moved all the way into my wrist.

The music returned, and I closed my eyes. I slipped the vibrator down to a nipple, laughing when it made contact with the sensitive skin. Then I traced an invisible line down the center of my belly, until I hit my[Editor's note: what the hell do writers call the vagina? I'm all for Eve Ensler's fight to make vagina a more excepted word, but for now at least, that word is nothing if not un-erotic. I'll have to look into this question].

It felt mechanical at first, too exact in its vibrations. Not like a person, who's tempo shifts slightly every moment. But after a minute or two, the notes of a cello pulsed in my ears and my body pulsed along with it. I felt my face flush and my body quiver. It was quick and satisfying.

But afterwards, I lay there by myself, with a wet piece of plastic beside me. I thought about whether Andrew would've liked to experiement with this kind of thing, and figured he would have. If only we had had more time. And I realized that an orgasm, like the food and cigarettes I had given up consuming, would only leave me wanting more, wanting to share it with Andrew. Wanting what I knew I'd never have again. Best Blogger Tips

12 comments:

FatCharlatan said...

Wow, Bug--this is great. Honest, hot, realistic. GREAT work. (Love the dolphin carved into the handle--great detail).

Ya know, you could make the vagina issue part of your character's concern, "Then I traced an invisible line down the center of my belly, until I hit my V. I hate the word vagina. Sounds so clinical. Andrew used to call it his _______"

This is going to be one hot, kick-ass story--your writing is really clicking.

BTW, given your thoughts on sex conversations, what was/is your opinion on the TV show "Sex and the City"?

DonPare said...

Holy crap, CJ! :)

Good for you! Because I know how you are as a person in real life, this was so shocking and fun to read! Well done!

And I like the little touch of her not wanting it to show up on her CC. That was subtle but tells us a lot about the character...

Great!

paris parfait said...

Very well done! You've taken two touchy subjects - sex and grief - and written about them with raw honesty and need. Excellent post.

KF said...

Great work! I love the way you make it a little silly - tragedy embedded in comedy is always so poignant to me. It seems much more real than drama.

Bug said...

Thanks all. I'm pretty embarrassed that I posted something like this, but I guess that's OK. :) Reading everybody's honest, great blogs has really helped my writing!

January said...

Wow! I need a glass of water.

I like FC's suggestion about the vagina. Make it part of the story. Who knows, maybe by the end of the book she'll have the right wordss

Bug said...

LOL Jan. You crack me up. It was actually a sexy poem you posted that gave me the strength to post this! You rock. :)

Bug said...

LOL Jan. You crack me up. It was actually a sexy poem you posted that gave me the strength to post this! You rock. :)

Repeater said...

Yeah! That's so bold to write about something you're so embarrassed to talk about- very authentic in the story (and the editor's note cracked me up). I've been writing about my family lately- something I didn't think I would do. Maybe I have the courage to post something too...

Bug said...

FC, I forgot to address your question of SiTC. I love that show! I don't know why but sex talk doesn't bother me at all as long as I'm not supposed to participate. :)

TI said...

Bug, that's a great post. I thought about writing a sex post (since that is not something I would ever write) and backed away from the idea (mind you, I did have the oblique vibrator reference in my fortune cookie post). Maybe you need to write more sex since you do it so well, and manage to make it sexy and poignant at the same time. I LOVE your character's internal dialogue. VEry believable. A+ writing! (can you tell classes start this week).

Bug said...

Thanks TI! You should give it a shot! :) Good luck with classes this week!

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