You see, my mom and husband have a bit of a checkered past. It's a long-ish story, but it boils down to a day a few Christmas's ago that I spent hysterically crying after my mom criticized a ton of stuff about my then fiancé—first to me, and then to him. She and my dad left, and we didn’t speak for a few days (which isn’t that long, but felt it. Time slows down when you know you’re ignoring/avoiding someone).
She has since apologized profusely, but once words are out there, you can’t take them back. So when B displays any of the tendencies she attacked him for (being too aloof, not wanting to spend every waking hour chatting with her, etc.), I get uncomfortable. I spend the whole time wondering if she’s judging him. And for some odd psychological (I’m sure!) reason, I tend to take all this discomfort out on B, wishing that he could act however it is she wants him to act.
So this weekend, I am setting an intention to not play into this dynamic any longer. I will just concern myself with my own feelings, and with making sure I am relaxing and doing what I want to do—not worrying about what someone else may or may not be thinking. And I definitely won’t get mad at B, no matter how he decides to act/spend his time.
Here’s to the (hopefully) end of all that! For more endings, click here.
16 comments:
I really hope it all works out! I've been there and these family dynamics can be so destructive.
Just don't worry. Let them find their own equations. Don't try to defend either.
I've had a few of those moments myself. I hope that the weekend goes smoothly and much healing is done.
I am such a sad sack. It never occurred to me, on reading the prompt, that some endings are *good* endings.
Good luck! That can be a shitty situation...
I too, hope you can put an end to any lingering bad vibes that might exist and move forward. It's definitely better that some things come to an end.
Why do we put ourselves through this. I find myself wanting my hubby to be a certain way with my kids and visa versa. NOT! You have the right attitude.
Good luck to you, to being able to put this behind you.
Hope the weekend goes well.
It is very tough to let poeple be responsible for themselves and take care of yourself. Have a fun weekend.
Family dynamics, esp between partners and "in-laws" (why do you think so many people call them "outlaws"), really have nothing to do with anything more than the fact that the "new" person is always working from a different script (the one he/she learned from). Your awareness of how this affects you is bound to make a difference overall. May your new ending be "happily ever after."
Ugh. Family politics. SO. Not. Fun.
I hope things improve.
Not a pleasant situation but it sounds like you are doing the right thing. Good luck!
Sounds like you have it sorted. Hope for new beginnings for you. It's been great catching up on your news. You have been busy.
Bug-
I hope the weekend went well. These relationships can be so tricky. Hard for me to say anything completely inspirational since I practically break out in hives everytime I go to my MiL's.
How's this for a mother/fiance meeting: The night I introduced them, Dave had a jerk boss who wouldn't let him leave on time, so he showed up late, and COVERED in fertilizer. He had to shower in my apartment with my mother and sister there before we could have dinner, then my mother lectured on why she was uncomfortable with our age difference while Dave got all stoney. They have since recovered, and actually have a pretty great repor now. Mom laughs about that first night now.
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