Nothing to say...Good article on writing

I haven't posted in a while because, frankly, I've had nothing to say. I'm dealing with some stuff that is keeping me from writing. And since I don't want to go into that stuff I just haven't been posting.

But I read a great article on Writer's Digest's web site today that I thought I would share:
http://writersdigest.com/article/writers-life-giving-it-up/

It's by a recent MFA graduate who is having doubts about his writing. (Sound familiar?)

Here are two of my favorite passages:

Worst of all, there was no one pushing me forward—no thesis advisor demanding pages, no editor lashing me to finish before deadline, no father demanding I get out of his hot tub and start writing.

Everyone talks about doing things—how they have an idea for a book or magazine piece or whatever—but how many of those people actually sit down and do it? The irony was that I’d already gotten through the hardest part and now I wanted to give up. It’s like quitting a marathon in mile 25 because your shoulder hurts.

Forgotten step

I forgot a very important step between writing and editing--letting the story sit! So I'm leaving the Obit story alone for a while. Instead I'm writing a first draft of another story I've been thinking about for a while. This one is about a woman who goes home to see her parents after a break-up, but doesn't find the consolation she needs there. I'm not really sure what will happen. I guess that's the fun of the first draft!

I'm also gearing up for NaNoWriMo. I can't wait!

Editing my new story

If you've been reading this blog, you know that I am happily writing again. I have finished a very very messy first draft of a story, and I need to figure out how to go back and revise it. And this story will need re-visioning in the truest sense of the word. As I said, it's a mess. But it's a mess I've created, and that makes me happy.

Questions--asked and answered--that will help me revise

1. What is this story about? On a plot level, it's about a male reporter who helps a widow grieve by rewriting her husband's obit. The husand's parents wrote the one that ran in the paper, and it was factually accurate, but not emotionally accurate. She wants a document that she can show their unborn daughter that better captures her husband as the 3-dimensional person he was.

2. Whose point of view is it in? Right now it is told mostly from the point of view of the male reporter. I jumped into the widow's point of view when he starts to interview her about her husband. At the time, I was thinking I was doing this just to ease the writing of those parts. But I'm wondering now if maybe the story should have both points of view in it. I think that's something I may hold off on exploring though until a third draft if the POV doesn't seem to be working.

3. What is the emotional story? I think the story is about this reporter who is a bit dejected; he just went through a divorce and is questioning his rather spur of the moment move to the island of Nantucket to be a newspaper reporter. He thought he would like the work more, that it would matter more. But it feels like a bit of a grind, like he's just reporting on these wealthy people and their wealthy people problems.

4. What unexpected element has come up as you're writing? When I was writing in the POV of the widow, she went down this road about how the husband couldn't really stand up to his wealthy parents, that they gave the son money--even a house in Hyannis--and that he felt beholden to them because of it. I think the couple fought over this, with her feeling like she'd rather be less wealthy and not so much under their thumb. She wonders if he would've regretted his weakness in this area if he had lived longer.

5. What are you going to do with this element? As I'm typing this, I'm realizing that maybe talking with the widow about her seemingly perfect husband, with all his money and his beautiful wife and baby-to-be, makes the reporter feel worse about himself, makes him question even more what the hell he's doing with his life.

But then the widow asks about him, how he ended up on the island. He tells about how he just picked up and left after his wife left him, that he came here knowing no one, and having never worked at a newspaper before. She admires him, and talks about how that's something her husband never would've done, moved away from his parents, and that whole element of his parents' control comes out. It makes the reporter feel a little better to know that even people who look like they have it all figured out are just slogging their way through life, too. And now, maybe when he asks himself what the hell he's doing there, instead of hearing his ex-wife's shrill questions about why he would move to an island in the middle of nowhere, he'd hear this widow's amazement at his bravery.

And, as the widow talks more and more about this, she realizes that if she stays in their house, she'll be in the same boat. So by the end she is contemplating moving back to the little, artsy town in Rhode Island that she lived in before she met her husband.

6. How does it end? She falls asleep peacefully in his office as he types up the obit, feeling truly useful--because of him she'll have an obit that reflects who her husband truly was, and because in helping this woman create it, he also helped her realize that she didn't want to stay in the controlled situation she was in.

***

The end, among other areas, still doesn't feel quite right. Something is off regarding the reporter and his emotional development/arch. But I think I need to get into draft #2 to figure out what it is. Or maybe I'll post an interview with the reporter to get a better sense of who he is.

And now a question for you, readers: I'd like to know something about how you revise, on a very practical level. Do you just into the Word document you've already been working in? Do you open a fresh document?

Good quote

"Stop thinking, start writing"
~Sara Gruen

In a recent Writer's Digest, Gruen, the author or Water for Elephants, said that was what she told herself when she was trying and failing to write. I think it perfectly sums up my own writing struggles, when they occur.

(Though luckily now is not one of those times! I'm working on a short story and enjoying it, and I have an idea for the novel I want to pursue in November for NaNoWriMo.)

Another submission

I sent my paris/postcard out to another journal. This makes 3 that it is under consideration with. I'm planning on sending it to 2 more in October, and then I will start sending out my next story. My plan is to have a few stories out to 5 journals each at a time. Then I'll wait for the acceptances to roll in and move on from there. :) It's my nature to be all negative and say "wait for the rejections", but I stopped myself. Let's remain positive, shall we?

Sacrifices/cutting back

So at that BPL talk I went to on Monday, Matthew Quick talked about the many sacrifices he and his wife made to nurture his writing-namely, they moved from Phili to outside of Boston to live with his in-law's rent-free so he could work on his writing full time. Talk about a sacrifice!

I'm realizing that I, too, need to make some sacrifices in order to start pushing full steam ahead. Namely, I have to go out less. I spend a lot of time socializing. Some of it really nourishes me. Others of it feels like more of an obligation. And there's a whole range of things in between. So while I'll obviously try to keep the nourishing stuff in, and throw the obligatory stuff out, the overall result is that I won't be going out as much.

I think a reasonable goal is no more than one night out after work per week. And only one planned activity per weekend day. So if I plan to play tennis in the morning, then I don't also have people over for dinner that evening.

I have a sneaking suspicion that not only will I get more writing done, but I'll also enjoy life a tad more when I'm not running all over the place. And hopefully blogging about this plan will keep me honest about sticking with it!

Gratitude Post #2

I'm feeling myself slipping back into my recent funk, so it's time to be grateful again.

On Monday night, I went to a reading of first-time authors at the Boston Public Library. Each writer told his/her story about getting a first book published, and then read a bit from the book. It was very inspirational--the overall message was to just work really hard. I especially appreciated one of the author's outlooks. Matthew Quick, author of The Silver Lining Playbook, said that hard work can outrun talent, that he might not be the most talent writer out there, but he sure did work hard--both to write the book, and to find an agent. I also feel that with hard work, a person can do almost anything, so it was nice to see that confirmed (did I mention his book as already been optioned for a movie??). The other writers--Amy MacKinnon and Brunonia Barry--also gave interesting talks about getting to where they were.

So, I am grateful to live near Boston and to work in the city, making it fairly easy for me to go to so many literary events.

Gratitude Post #1

As I posted last week, I am doing some Gratitude Postings this week to keep me focused on how many wonderful things I have in my life (even though it can seem like the crap outweighs the good on any given day; hence the need for Gratitude Posts!).

When I think of gratitude in relation to writing, I immediately think of the community of writers I have around me, and the people that support me as a writer. Here is a very short list, which surely doesn't encompass everyone:

• My MFA buddies. One of the best thing I got out of school was the friends with whom I can commiserate and talk about writing. It's amazing to have friends who went through the same schooling, who are at similar places with their writing, and whom I just love in general.
  
• Blogging buddies. I love having the blog as a place to write about writing, but most of all I love the conversations it allows for, and the friendship it creates and rejuvenates. For example, I worked with/for the fantastic writers Boston Erin and Poet Mom, and then we lost touch. We reconnected mainly through our blogs, and now I consider them to be two of my Writing Gurus, my go-to gals for writing questions.
• Non-writing friends and coworkers who get it. Not everyone does, and it can be frustrating. But I am very grateful to those non-writers out there who sympathize with my struggles, and who ask in very kind ways how the writing is going.
  
• And lastly, but certainly not leastly (a word I just made up), my dear husband B. Not only does he put up with me during the many crazy ups and downs of a writing life, but he also (god help him) encourages me. And he believes in me, even when I can't really figure out why.
  

Some time away

Without planning to, I took the weekend off. I gave myself total permission to do nothing productive. I even napped in a hammock, the quintessential relaxing endeavor. Now I'm back, feeling very refreshed. And the odd thing is, I even managed to slip some work into the weekend--I created a chart to track my submissions, and researched some journals to submit to. But it didn't feel like work. The beauty of not expecting anything out of yourself.

Speaking of which, I think the very reason I am having such a hard time writing right now is because I'm expecting too much from myself and my writing. I'm not allowing myself the time for Shitty First Drafts. I'm expecting to have been published yesterday.

So I'm going to start over in creating my post MFA writing life. I'm going to experiment with ways to keep myself writing, but also keep myself enjoying the process (with room for the occasional freak out of course. What kind of writer doesn't freak out from time to time?). I'm not sure what the experiments are going to look out, so stay tuned.

Getting to know you....

I've figured out some of the problems regarding my story. One is that I'm putting way too much pressure on myself--something about having graduated makes me feel like I should be producing a ton of high-quality work, which is just stunting my creative process. Not sure how I'm going to get over that...

Something that's easier for me to fix is this: I did a ton of journaling/blogging about Janine, my main character, when I started the story. But then she changed A TON, and so did the story. I never re-brainstormed about who she was. So while the plot of the story feels right, the voice of it doesn't, because I don't know my character yet. So stay tuned for some "getting to know you" exercises. I'll probably post an interview with her later on this evening.

Also to come: Next week is Gratitude Week on Writerbug. I'm going to spend the whole week staying positive on the blog. I've been much too negative/whiny--on here and in general.

For now, I'm off for dinner/drinks with a friend.

If I used all the time I spend fretting to write...

...I'd be published by now.

This transition from MFA student to graduate is harder than I thought it would be. I thought having my degree would make me feel like a "real" writer. Surprise: it doesn't! I don't know what will. I want to say publishing a novel, but my guess is that if I did that, and wasn't a best seller, I'd still feel like it wasn't enough. I think this feeling can be a good thing--as it pushes me to do more and more. But right now, the feeling is so overwhelming all it does is make me cry.

So I'm taking tomorrow off, having a full me-day to regroup. So far the plan is to wake up, walk Chloe, do some yoga, and then head to Salem for a day at the beach, writing in a cafe (assuming I find a cool one), eating a nice lunch, and wandering around town. I hope to use some of this time to think about what I could be doing--right now--to make my life more the way I want, to make me feel more like I am a writer.

I say "right now," because "quitting my job and writing all day" just ain't gonna happen.

Wish me luck!

Writerly events

Some literary events that I will have the pleasure of going to in the next month:

• First time novelists Brunonia Barry (The Lace Reader), Amy MacKinnon (Tethered) and Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook) discuss their paths to publication. On Sept. 2
• Four stories on Sept. 8, where 4 writers read on a given theme.This events' theme is friends and strangers.
  
• Billy Collins reading on Sept. 25 at the Brookline Booksmith.

Let me know if you'd like to join me! I have "dates" for each event, but the more the merrier. :)

Though I lament the end of summer as much as the next New Englander, September sure does mean the beginning of the lit scene here in Boston.

Slow but steady

I didn't follow the writing schedule I posted last week. I'm not exactly shocked. I think I post schedules/goals that are just a *tad* out of my reach. While it is sometimes depressing that I never seem to be meeting these goals, I also know it's motivating, and if I made the goals too easy, I wouldn't be challenging myself. Also, I often forget to list certain tasks in my list, tasks that must be done before I move on to the later task. Like in last week's list I forgot to put down an important scene that went between what I had labeled scene one and two. (That last explanation is just to ward off any of you who might be thinking, "She couldn't get through that measly list of scenes to write? Pathetic!" Or maybe that's just my internal editor talking?)

So, this week, I still have three items left over from last week's to do list:
1. Journal about Janine's friendship with Rita, who comes into the next scene. I need to get a better understanding of how these two interact. TO DO: TUESDAY, on train ride to work.

2. Write the third scene, where Janine's friend Rita comes to the hospital, and asks Janine a bunch of questions that makes us (the reader) realize that what Janine has been thinking/telling us about her marriage isn't exactly true. TO DO: WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY EVENINGS. THIS IS A BIG SCENE, AND MIGHT TAKE MORE THAN ONE DAY OF WRITING TO GET THROUGH.

3. Write the final scene, where Janine finds out her husband came out of surgery alive, and she realizes how much work she has ahead of her to repair her marriage. TO DO: OVER THE WEEKEND

Other writing-related tasks to do this week:
**Create a workshop proposal for a class on collage-making as part of the creative writing process for a local non-profit looking for writing classes. This will be done with B, so that should be super fun.

**This weekend I'd like to organize a few writing-related things, namely my sending-out process.

A writing meme

Becca posted this meme for writers, and I couldn't resist answering her questions.

1. Do you write fiction or non-fiction? Or both? I write fiction mostly, but I dabble in essay writing, too. I like how non-fiction helps me work through/think about my life more clearly, but I'm drawn more to fiction. Writing and reading fiction also helps me to work through the issues that arise in my life, and there's something so satisfying to me in knowing that there are infinite possibilities when you start a work of fiction, and the work is getting to the place where you know you've landed in the one that's perfect for your story.
   
2. Do you keep a journal or a writing notebook? I do have a writing notebook. I've been using my morning commute to journal (by far the best way to spend that time!). I would say I spend half the time writing about my life, and half working out problems in the story I'm working on. The latter is so amazingly helpful--that way when I do my "real writing" later in the day, in front of the computer, my pump (brain) is primed.
   
3. If you write fiction, do you know your characters’ goals, motivations, and conflicts before you start writing or is that something else you discover only after you start writing? Do you find books on plotting useful or harmful? I usually think I know the motivations and conflicts before I start. But then as I'm writing, new things always arise that make the story better/more interesting and complex.
   
4. Are you a procrastinator or does the itch to write keep at you until you sit down and work? I guess a little of both, if you can be. I can get in procrastination phases, but I'm not a good procrastinator when it comes to writing--ie, I don't have fun procrastinating. It feels like something is hanging over my head.
   
5. Do you write in short bursts of creative energy, or can you sit down and write for hours at a time? Again, I think I do both. It just depends on my mood and the time I have to spare.
   
6. Are you a morning or afternoon writer? I'm in the process of training myself to write anytime. My life is just not calm enough to allow for a regular time for me to sit in front of my computer.
   
7. Do you write with music/the noise of children/in a cafe or other public setting, or do you need complete silence to concentrate? I'm realizing how incredibly flexible I am--again, my answer is that I can go with any of the above. Though if I'm in a bad mood, noise will annoy the crap out of me.
   
8. Computer or longhand? (or typewriter?) I do my journal long hand, but my actually stories are all typed.
   
9. Do you know the ending before you type Chapter One? Or do you let the story evolve as you write? I agree completely with what Becca wrote: "I usually think I know the ending - but it seems like it often surprises me!"
10. Does what’s selling in the market influence how and what you write? No. I don't think it really makes sense to try to write one way or another. It'd kinda be like asking me to grow my 5'2" body into that of a super model. Plus, by the time you notice a trend in publishing, it's way too late to start writing something in that mode and get it published before the trend has passed.
    
11. Editing/Revision - love it or hate it? I both love and hate it. I hate the pressure I feel when I revise--ie, that I need to be perfect because I'm perfecting something. But once I get into it, I enjoy the process because it allows me to get even deeper into the story/characters.
    

Thanks Becca for the great meme!

A schedule

I'm off schedule--both in terms of blogging and general writing-- since I was away for a long weekend, visiting family and getting some beach time. But as I wrote about last week, I had a major epiphany with the story I'm working on. And now I have a plan to tackle the story: I'm going to start over. Completely over. Just rewrite it from scratch. I've done this before and found it helpful, though I'm not sure why. Maybe not having something to fiddle with makes me try things that I wouldn't try otherwise. In any case, here's my plan to get a draft down this week:

Today: At lunch, go to the hospital near my office and journal about being there--the sounds, smells, sights, etc. This is important since my story takes place in the hospital.

Tomorrow: After work (before hitting a jazz concert with B), write the first scene, where Janine brings her husband to the hospital after convincing him that he is having a heart attack, not indigestion. They're nasty to each other, and he brings up the fact that she killed his dog.

Thursday: During lunch, write the second scene, where Janine fumes in the patient lounge, and overhears a doctor apologize to a patient and be forgiven. She fumes even more about not being forgiven for something much smaller, that happened much earlier.

Friday: After work, before doing whatever B and I are doing, Journal about Janine's friendship with Rita, who comes into the next scene. I need to get a better understanding of how these two interact.

Saturday and Sunday: We have a few plans this weekend, but I will find time to write each day, getting through: the third scene, where Janine's friend Rita comes to the hospital, and asks Janine a bunch of questions that makes us (the reader) realize that what Janine has been thinking/telling us about her marriage isn't exactly true. And the final scene, where Janine finds out her husband came out of surgery alive, and she realizes how much work she has ahead of her to repair her marriage.

This is the first story where I'm using an unreliable narrator. I'll probably blog about that experience sometime later this week.

Why I write

A fellow writer told me about a dream she recently had where she just published a piece of writing, and then said to a friend, "I'm grateful for the work but I know that when it finally gets published, that good feeling is pretty fleeting." And I know from experience that that sentiment is true. With every goal I reach, I feel good for a fraction of the time that it took to get there.

So why bother writing? I had a glimpse of my answer on Sunday. After writing for a few hours--the miserable kind of writing, where I grumbled the whole time, wondering what the f I was doing, wondering why I don't just give up and spend my time, oh, making cocktails--I had my very own Ah-Ha moment. Something clicked in my story. I got perspective and saw that my way into the story was through using my character's perception of the setting (the hospital) to mirror my character's feelings (confusion and anger about her marriage).

It felt so good to get those pieces to click! As good as meeting any external goal (graduating from a degree program, publishing a newspaper story) has ever felt. And it's lasted a lot longer, too. In fact, I'm still riding on the feeling, which has allowed me to write a little bit of the story each day without grumbling and wanting a drink.

So that's why I write. For the feeling that comes from finally--finally!--making a story work.

Though getting published would be nice, too. :)

I'd love to hear why you write. Leave a comment.

My week in Photos (6)

Monday through Friday of last week looked like this:




Then with a little help of

Comfort foods like:
and




And an afternoon spent like this:


And two evenings filled with good conversations with good friends, and this week I am more like:

Funk

Like Poetmom, I'm in a bit of a writer's funk. I've been having a very stressful summer for reasons I don't want to go into, and I think all of this stress is taking its toll in a few ways: I'm really moody and prone to crying at just about any moment, and I feel too emotionally tired to write. Because writing, I'm noticing for probably the millionth time, takes a lot of emotional energy. Just beating back those critics who sit on my shoulder mumbling, "You're wasting your time. This scene is stupid, you're going to cut it anyway, just stop writing," takes a lot of energy. And i'm afraid I just don't have it right now.

But the bigger conundrum is that I know that not writing isn't going to make me feel any better. In fact, it's going to make me feel worse. So I'm going to make myself follow a new routine. I'm hoping that, like with going to the gym, dragging my butt to the page will get easier and easier each day.

New Plan
* Go to sleep by 10. Stress is tiring, and therfore I need more sleep. Being in bed by 10 means that I'll actually be asleep by 11, which means that I'll actually get 8 hours of sleep.

*Write everyday. At least 15 minutes each week day, and 2 hours each weekend day. I'm hoping that the small weekday goal will lead to longer writing jags, but I don't want to set the bar too high and then just give up.

*Concentrate more at work. I end up wasting too much time at work, and then feel guilty and stay late to get things done. I'm going to disable my work IM, which we all really use to chat rather than for work. And I'm going to limit my online breaks to 10 minute chunks of time. No more getting sucked into one website, and then another...

Sunday Scribbling: Ask

The first phrase that popped into my head when I read this week's prompt was "Ask and ye shall receive." This reminded me of Becca's post this week about how she decided she needed to do something to take her writing to the next level and that day she saw a sign advertising a new writing group that sounds like it's convenient to her. She called it the universe at work.

My mother has often prays on things, and finds an answer soon thereafter.

My take? It's not so much the universe or God fixing your problems for you, but it's the power of articulating a goal, and then directing yourself and your energy toward meeting it. So asking God or the Universe for a million dollars isn't going to do anything. But asking for a million dollars might make you realize how very important it is for you to have a million dollars, which could spark you figuring out a way to get there. That, to me, is the power of prayer or putting your desires "into the universe".

But now that I type this, I realize, too, that I believe a little bit of mystery is involved too. Like just working out a problem isn't the whole she-bang. Maybe it's that getting to the point where you'll pray for something means that you've thought long and hard about it yourself already. Or maybe it's the surrender of asking for help that gets your subconscious going full force on the problem.

It seems natural to end this post with a few requests for the universe/God/my subconscious/ whomever.

1. I'd like to find a way to better integrate my writing into my daily life. Right now it's feeling a bit more like a tack-on/must do, than an organic part of my day.
   
2. I'd like a best friend. I know I am ridiculously fortunate to have a husband whom I adore and who is also my best friend, and to have many other friends with whom I can celebrate things like my house warming, and a few other friends who I feel super close to even though they are not physically nearby. But I miss having one really good girlfriend who I can do everything with, who I can sit around and do nothing with, who really knows me and understands me, who I can plan on being around for the rest of my life. Not having that makes me feel lonely at times.
   
3. I'd like to publish some stories. I'm guessing lots of people have this goal. But I really, really want it. Like when I think about what I want to accomplish in my life, this (in varying forms, ie publish a novel) is pretty much the only thing I'd be ridiculously disappointed about not doing.

What do you want? And do you believe that articulating your goals has any power?

Ugh

Ever have one of those weeks that is so insanely frustrating and stressful that you feel like you could literally explode? Having one. Right now. No fun.

Just scheduled a massage for this weekend. Sigh.