Best laid plans... (once again)

OK, whoever created that schedule must have thought she was working with a super human who doesn't need to sleep, or any down time. As if yesterday, I could really: Go to work, commute home, let out the dogs and feed them, go to a 2 hour meeting for the Cultural Council, and then come home and write. Aside from the fact that I left myself no time for dinner, there's no way my little brain could focus on writing after a day like that.

So, my new plan is to write for a few hours tonight, and to write for a few hours each on Saturday and Sunday. Much simpler. Much more pleasant. Much more doable.

When I made this decision this morning (while writing my Artist-Way inspired morning pages), I felt an instant calm wash over me. I enjoyed my writing/reading time on the train for the first time all week. I enjoyed my walk from the train to my office. I felt like I could breath. Is there any better indication of a decision well made? I think not.

This week's schedule

[Edited on Tuesday: I realize now that this plan is a wee bit too ambitious. I learned this when my body would not get out of bed this morning, which means no spin class for me. I will edit this post throughout the week and add bracketed notes describing how much of the schedule I actually stuck to. This is an important part of learning one's limits--another lesson I seem to need to learn again and again.]

October is slipping away too quickly! (I won't even talk about the fact that it SNOWED here this weekend, making it feel much more like March than October.) It's been a good month, filled with lots of fun social engagements. But, and this seems to be the story of my life, when my social calendar is full, my writing book is empty. Balancing these two needs--the need to feel connected to others and the need to write--is going to be my life's work, it seems. (If only I could ditch the need to work and the need to fulfill what can be lots of other obligations, I'd be all set.)

So, as I always do when life feels too hectic to get a handle on, I need to make a schedule. (I'm also tracking my exercise here, because that's another thing I can't live without if I want to stay sane.)Here goes:

Monday
Exercise: Yoga-pilates class
Writing: Journaling on train in the morning/Revising on computer in the evening
(Also have to fit a PT appointment in the evening, which I go to for chronic headaches)
[Got all of these items done. Whoo!]

Tuesday
Exercise: Spin class
Writing: I have a Cultural Council meeting in the evening. Will probably need to prep for that on the train ride in to work. I plan to go to Starbucks after the meeting to get my journaling/revising time in.
[No spin class, slept late instead.]

Wednesday
Exercise: Run, hopefully before work outside with Rufus (the dog) if the weather is nice.
Writing: Brian has class on Wednesday night, so I plan to take this time alone at home to really pound out some revisions. I'll journal on the train ride into work.

Thursday
Exercise: Nothing formal, some walking to and from the train/various out-of-the-office meetings.
Writing: Journaling on the way into work. Nothing else.
Evening: Volunteer ESL teaching at Unity Church

Friday
Exercise: Yoga class
Writing: Plan to head to a coffee shop to write before meeting some friends for dinner and this Bill Maher show (!).

Saturday
Exercise: Hike with Brian and the dogs
Writing: Will journal post-hike while B studies. Then we'll head to the Boston Book Festival.

Sunday
Exercise: Yoga class in the morning. Then errands. Then I'll head into Boston to work on writing in a coffee shop until book club at 5.

This feels like a good balance of writing and socializing. Let's see if I can pull it off...Wish me luck!

Slow but steady

I didn't follow the writing schedule I posted last week. I'm not exactly shocked. I think I post schedules/goals that are just a *tad* out of my reach. While it is sometimes depressing that I never seem to be meeting these goals, I also know it's motivating, and if I made the goals too easy, I wouldn't be challenging myself. Also, I often forget to list certain tasks in my list, tasks that must be done before I move on to the later task. Like in last week's list I forgot to put down an important scene that went between what I had labeled scene one and two. (That last explanation is just to ward off any of you who might be thinking, "She couldn't get through that measly list of scenes to write? Pathetic!" Or maybe that's just my internal editor talking?)

So, this week, I still have three items left over from last week's to do list:
1. Journal about Janine's friendship with Rita, who comes into the next scene. I need to get a better understanding of how these two interact. TO DO: TUESDAY, on train ride to work.

2. Write the third scene, where Janine's friend Rita comes to the hospital, and asks Janine a bunch of questions that makes us (the reader) realize that what Janine has been thinking/telling us about her marriage isn't exactly true. TO DO: WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY EVENINGS. THIS IS A BIG SCENE, AND MIGHT TAKE MORE THAN ONE DAY OF WRITING TO GET THROUGH.

3. Write the final scene, where Janine finds out her husband came out of surgery alive, and she realizes how much work she has ahead of her to repair her marriage. TO DO: OVER THE WEEKEND

Other writing-related tasks to do this week:
**Create a workshop proposal for a class on collage-making as part of the creative writing process for a local non-profit looking for writing classes. This will be done with B, so that should be super fun.

**This weekend I'd like to organize a few writing-related things, namely my sending-out process.

Funk

Like Poetmom, I'm in a bit of a writer's funk. I've been having a very stressful summer for reasons I don't want to go into, and I think all of this stress is taking its toll in a few ways: I'm really moody and prone to crying at just about any moment, and I feel too emotionally tired to write. Because writing, I'm noticing for probably the millionth time, takes a lot of emotional energy. Just beating back those critics who sit on my shoulder mumbling, "You're wasting your time. This scene is stupid, you're going to cut it anyway, just stop writing," takes a lot of energy. And i'm afraid I just don't have it right now.

But the bigger conundrum is that I know that not writing isn't going to make me feel any better. In fact, it's going to make me feel worse. So I'm going to make myself follow a new routine. I'm hoping that, like with going to the gym, dragging my butt to the page will get easier and easier each day.

New Plan
* Go to sleep by 10. Stress is tiring, and therfore I need more sleep. Being in bed by 10 means that I'll actually be asleep by 11, which means that I'll actually get 8 hours of sleep.

*Write everyday. At least 15 minutes each week day, and 2 hours each weekend day. I'm hoping that the small weekday goal will lead to longer writing jags, but I don't want to set the bar too high and then just give up.

*Concentrate more at work. I end up wasting too much time at work, and then feel guilty and stay late to get things done. I'm going to disable my work IM, which we all really use to chat rather than for work. And I'm going to limit my online breaks to 10 minute chunks of time. No more getting sucked into one website, and then another...

Making time to write

Hopefully if I put my writing (and exercise) schedule in writing, it will make me feel worse if I flake out and don't keep it. Here goes:

Tonight:
Write through the scene where Charlotte drops Snoop off at the shelter
Journal
(Reward for doing all this: vodka cranberry and some knitting/TV time)

Tomorrow:
**Before work:
20 minutes of abs/arm workout
Morning pages
Brief meditation

**After work:
Write through scene where Charlotte goes back to the pound to get Snoop to eat

(Reward: Time to order honeymoon album; yes, I've been married for years and have neither a wedding or honeymoon album put together)

Wednesday
** Before work:
Morning pages
Brief meditation

** Lunch: Elliptical at gym

** After work: Write through the scene where Charlotte brings sandwiches to the pound

(Reward: knitting/photo album time)

Thursday
**Before work:
Morning pages
Brief meditation
Run with Chloe

**Lunch:
Read stories for Writer's Group

**After work:
Writer's group meeting

Friday:
**Before work:
Morning pages
Brief meditation

**Lunch:
Yoga class

**After work:
My friend Gracie is in town from Seattle this weekend, so I will probably be spending Friday night with her.

Saturday:
Morning gentle yoga class
Write through scene where Snoop gets adopted
Redo bedroom--I'll post pics of our new space once it's all set up. We rearranged our furniture, ordered a new bed (which will be delivered this week) and now need to move around pictures and get new curtains.

Sunday:
Take a break from Sit, Stay if I need it. If not, write through vet scene.
Do hot yoga class.

Creature of habit?

I'm not someone who loves schedules. Or at least I wasn't. Then this weekend things got very thrown off--I stayed out too late and drank too much on Friday, so I slept late on Saturday. Then I was up again super late on Saturday for a wedding. I slept a little late on Sunday, but managed to get a bunch of work done anyway. Sunday night I stayed up til 11, watching the Red Sox (slightly later than usual for me on a weeknight).

This morning, I felt rested, but super cranky! I was in one of those moods where everything seemed annoying, even my being annoyed. I can think of a few other good reasons why I might've felt this way, but I think my schedule being messed up all weekend had something to do with it.

Back to my normal schedule of writing, knitting (more on the affects of being OCD about anything, even benign things like knitting later), and going to sleep early.

MFA residency countdown: 2 weeks to go

I got week one's goals done: I submitted my submissions (how's that for redundancy?) and I prepped for the freelance writing class I'm teaching tonight.

But no time to wallow in feeling good about those accomplishments! On to week two's goals:

This week I have three goals:
1- work on the stories I'm submitting for my Harvard thesis
2- finalize the chapters I'm handing in to an agent on a non-fiction book I'm ghostwriting.
3- get my application in for a TA-ship

In smaller steps, this is how those break down:

* Everyday write something on each story. I need to focus first on some freewriting about the characters before I can move into the page-by-page editing. So, I plan to journal/blog about each story, each day. I think I'll start with writing letters from my characters to other people in the stories. That seems like a fun, non-threatening way to get into it. I'll have to do this before/after work.

* During break times at work, try to get in edits to the non-fiction book

* Also during breaks, work on the essay for the TA-ship

Ugh, this is going to be a crazy week!

My problem

Part of my problem (see previous post about exhaustion) is that I rebel against myself in the silliest of ways. I know that having a set routine will help me feel less overwhelmed. I know that getting up early, at the same time each morning and doing my morning pages and then meditating before taking Chloe out really helps me get focused. But part of me hates the idea of being so rigid, of making myself do things when I really don't want to. In the same way, my teenage self loves not worrying about making a mess, leaving her clothes in piles in the bathroom or on the bedroom floor, even though the rest of me knows that it makes no sense to do so since I'll eventually have to to pick them up anyway, and in the meantime the mess will stress me out.

So, starting tomorrow, I will set an alarm and actually get out of bed when it goes off. I'll drink my (decaf) coffee while writing and then give myself some meditation time. I'll do this for 7 days. If at the end of those 7 days I don't think the routine is helping me feel more in control, I'll be allowed to revert back to sleeping in and getting ready for work like a mad woman. (Being neater will have to wait. One thing at a time!)