Can intense people/overachievers be OK with calm?

I recently got introduced to some wonderful craft blogs (links on the side of my blog). These bloggers' lives are what I've always dreamed of. They write, they craft, they hang out with their children, who do their own crafts with their sweet little fingers. They are just like the person who, as a kid, I assumed I'd be when I grew up.

My husband and I are in the process of buying a house--our dream house--the kind of house where I imagined myself doing all that crafting and writing. It's on an acre of land, so we'll have plenty of room for gardens and hanging out (and animals--lots of dogs, rabbits, etc!). It's big enough that I'll get a craft/writing room, where I can decorate as I please and leave yarn all over if I want to. (Of course I'll have to work to help pay for the house, but that's just a pesky detail.)

So now that I'm getting to a place in my life where I can really envision myself living the life I've dreamed of for so long, I find myself asking, Will I really be able to? Will I be able to devote so much time to things that give me pleasure? Will I be able to not feel incredibly guilty doing so? Will I be able to enjoy it without feeling like there are better things I ought to be doing with my time? (Like, say, saving the world.) Is it OK to relax and enjoy life? Will I just find something new to worry about?

I guess I'll find out in the months and years ahead. (I assume that finalizing the buying of this place, selling our condo, and moving will give me enough to stress about in the near future.) But in the mean time, the idea that I could be worried about not worrying is something I Just Don't Get.

For more writing on things that baffle us, check out this week's Sunday Scribblings.

Bonjour!

I'm back from what turned was a wonderful trip to Paris. My mom was a truly wonderful travel companion, and we had fun painting the town rouge. The most amazing side effect of the vacation is how incredibly relaxed I feel! I mean, relaxed in a way I haven't felt in years.

I spent the long weekend--gasp--doing whatever the hell I felt like! Brian and I soaked up some sun at a free concert on the Esplanade and row boating on the pond near our house. I gardened, with a sense of desire instead of obligation. Even today's tasks of unpacking my suitcase and hanging out with my in-laws weren't super arduous (though I did need a nap after the latter).

And what I realized as I went out for coffee and pastries this morning (one last day of guilt-free vacation eating), was that I want this feeling to last. No, I need it to. So no matter how much I feel I *need* to take on X, Y, or Z project, I cannot simply do so at the expense of my stress level. No longer will I try to cram as much as I possibly can into every day in the hopes of getting a return on the time- investment some day in the future. I will only do as much as I can while allowing myself to stay calm and present and relaxed.

Along those lines, I'm going to try as hard as I can to give myself one full day off a week--no email, no work work, no school work, nothing. I'm not sure that this is feasible, but I think it's worth a try!

Submission: Sent!

Though I literally waited til the 11th hour, I got the last submission of the semester done in time (I sent it out at 11pm last night!). It's very rough. The ending is insanely rushed. But it's out there.

For next semester, I'd like to work on really perfecting my annotation writing. It's something I seem to fluctuate on, with my biggest problem being that something that seems obvious and clear to me is not to an outside reader.

I have a few more to work on my last IS submission (which, to be honest, I haven't even started!). It's just editing two 2nd drafts of chapters, though, so I'm not too stressed. I can't be--because I have to squeeze it in to a very hectic week work-wise and personal life-wise.

I'm SO looking forward to this weekend. For the first time in like a hundred years, I will have NO work to do. In fact, I plan not to turn on my computer. Brian will be away, so I will have plenty of time to myself to regroup. Ahhhh...