What am I scared of? A few weeks ago I would've said nothing. I would've even told myself that, answered with the one word before I even gave the question any thought. Now I'm realizing that I'm scared of my life continuing on like this, so lonely, so alone.
Before Carrie died, she was the only person I needed. Even when she was in New York and I was in Boston, just knowing she was out there was enough. Knowing that someone, somewhere understood me, saw me. I never would've said that to her, never would've even thought it. I just knew it in my gut.
It's been five years since I've felt like someone got me. I have friends who I drink with and play darts with. We do trivia once a week. From the outside, it would seem like I had created the family I didn't have growing up. But they don't even know about Carrie, let alone what I think or feel about anything other than the Red Sox, the sloppy old guys who sit at the bar, and the various political stories of the moment.
It's terrifying to think of going through life like this forever. The only thing scarier? Actually opening up.
7 comments:
forever?
no thanks, i dont wanna scare me with that.
but u r so wise to even fear it!
http://eternitycallsus.blogspot.com/2009/04/i-am-scared.html
Those last three words give this polish.
Sounds like your character is fully known. She lends credence to fear and thought to solitary. Nice post!
Opening up is scary - that's part of my SS theme too.
It's a great way to develop a character, to let them talk for themselves - I've enjoyed doing 'interviews' with mine sometimes. It can certainly bring up some new angles and insights. But as Tumblewords says, it sounds as if you have this one down.
Thanks guys! Can't wait to check out your "scribblings"
Hello. I'm Lauren, a freelance journalist who recently moved to Boston. I contacted your friend Michael through my alumni network with questions about low-cost, open-to-the-public spaces that were good for writing in the area (I live in Somerville, but will travel up to 45 minutes for the right spot). Among other options, he suggested that I contact you. I'd be happy to provide you with more details, if you'd like, but I am a bit uncomfortable doing so in a blog comment. If you have any questions or suggestions, please e-mail me at lostberg3@gmail.com, and you would ease my mind considerably if you deleted this comment after reading it. Thank you.
Web 1.0,
Lauren
Goood post
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