David Foster Wallce

If you haven't read the posthumous profile of David Foster Wallace in the New Yorker, you must. It is so beautiful and touching, and it really captures just how crazy-making it can be like to be a writer. I was scared to see how much I related and empathized to his struggles.

My favorite line of the article:
“Fiction’s about what it is to be a fucking human being,” he once said. Good writing should help readers to “become less alone inside.”

That's exactly why I read--and write.

RIP, DFW.

Tired

Maybe it's the change of seasons. Or the stress of the economy. Or the stress particular to my workplace at the moment. Or the stress of adopting a new (un-housetrained) dog. Whatever the reason, I'm exhausted. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep.

And this means I'm not writing much. It's one of the only things I do that takes a lot of energy that I can easily cut out of my life. But, though I imagine life would be easier if I could be content with just coming home after work and watching TV, that's just now who I am. So it's not like I'm ready to give up and stop writing. I'm just frustrated with my current situation, and hoping it passes soon.

What I'm trying to do to keep my energy up and stress down in the meantime:

*Going to sleep early
*Eating well
*Exercising (though of course it's the last thing I want to do since I'm so tired!)

Any other suggestions are most welcome!

To Dos

Posting my lists of things to do has led me to a helpful discovery: What I expect to get done in a given time period is not equal to what I actually can get done. What I expect to do in one week generally takes me two weeks.

At work, I've had to start estimating the time a project will take before I start, in order to give a cost estimate to clients. That's a harder task than I thought at first, because stuff comes up and things change. But I'm getting better at it, and I'd like to apply that ability to my writing goals as well.

Why does it matter? Well, psychologically, it's nice to get done what you plan to get done.

So, this week, I plan to:

Finish chapter 3 of my novel. That's it.


Back burner writing tasks to keep in mind:
* Revise The Rest of Her and send it out
* Keep sending out Cartes as publications open their submissions
* Look into freelance opportunities that I've emailed to myself.

Non-writerly to-dos in the near future:
* Hang paneling in office
* Paint office walls
* Buy lights for office
* Start seedlings

Sunday Scribblings: Dear Past Me, Dear Future Me

It's been a loooong time since I scribbled. But I like this prompt and am going to use it to brainstorm from the point of view of the main character in the novel I'm working on. Here goes.

Dear Past Me/Future Me,
What the f*ck? Is this some therapy bullshit? That crap does not work, I don't care what all those shrink-a-dinks say.

Ok, that skepticism out of the way, here goes. I wish I could tell a past me to cherish my time with Carrie, that the time will end much too soon. And that things are not always what they appear. Someone who seems much more stable and happy than you yourself are might actually be way more f*cked up. F*cked up enough to take her own life. Oh, and past me? You yourself are not suicidal and you never will be, so give up on that messed up "dream" before it takes hold of you and won't let go until a monsoon-like October after your 30th birthday.

Future me? What can I tell you? I don't even know who you are. And I guess that's as exciting as it is scary.

XO,
Em

Take my breath away

The highest level of writing, in my experience, is that which takes my breath away. Literally--the words, sentence, idea makes me gasp and forget to breathe for a moment. It doesn't happen often, so I thought I'd share a paragraph that did it for me. It's from an essay in the New York Times' Sunday Magazine by Bernard Cooper:

"The only story I know is the one about Brian dying....It’s as if we met so we could be together when he dies, paid the mortgage so we could be together when he dies, sustained ourselves with food and love and hard work so we’d one day come to the realization that everything up to this point was a prologue. The story has started here, now, when time is finite."

Beautiful, no?

Writing resources: New Finds

A few writing resources I wanted to share with you all:

1. Coffee House for Writers. I was aware of this group a while back, and then they fell off my radar. But I came across them today, and their newsletter about fiction writing caught my eye. I liked their selection of articles, which cover things like writing flash fiction and promoting your novel.

2. Review Fuse. I haven't tried this personally, but it's a neat concept: You can submit your work to this web site, and it matches you up with writers of similar skill levels who will critique your work. You critique others' work as "pay back". As far as I can tell, it's completely free.



3. Funds for Writers. I get the weekly e-newsletter, which lists publications seeking submissions, grants, and writing jobs. I've found some interesting publication through it.

Weekly to-dos

I realized with pride that I finished almost all of the to-dos I posted a week or so ago. So I'm inspired to post some more to keep myself accountable.

Non-writerly (in order of importance:
Organize tax info for accountant

Put up panellng in office

Scrub down upstairs of house


Writerly

Finalize short short and send out

Continue working on novel--try to get in a few pages every day, since I realized that when I took a break last week due to my insane flu, it was harder to get back into it.

Catch up on writing exercises for class

Good links, Fun photos

I wanted to share some interesting stories about writing I've come across recently, as well as some photos of my insanely cute new dog, Rufus. (He's the gray one--Chloe is our black lab, whom we've had for 3 years.)





Last night, I heard a great piece on NPR about creativity. It was a speach by Carol Becker, Dean of Columbia University School of the Arts. She talked about living the artist life--with all the fears and loneliness that can come along with it. One of my favorite parts was when she talked about how important it is for artists to play--to let themselves get immersed in something that interests them, even if it might not seem like something that will pay dividends in the near future. She talked about a student traveling (to the Mid East, I believe) who got obsessed with the many shades of gold used in the regional archictecture. He spent the whole trip photographing examples of gold, and I'm sure he gained a sense of the depth of color that he couldn't get any other way. I find myself doing this in more literary ways when I can get obsessed with the root of a word, or when I can read a novel or short story again and again, always finding something new to marvel at.

Dean Becker also talked about how perfectionism can just kill an artist, so I was intrigued when I saw this article about perfectionism in the Boston Globe this morning. Though I'm certainly not as bad as some of the perfectionists profiles, I do have my share of perfectionist tendencies. I really liked this analogy: Say you pay $2 for five minutes at a do-it-yourself carwash, and clean away about 80 percent of your car's dirt. That makes sense. Then you pay another $2 for a second round, and clean away another 10 percent. Your returns are diminishing. Then another $2, which yields only about 5 percent more. At some point, though having a clean car is a fine goal, you are clearly wasting your time and money.

And lastly, an interesting article on the copyright issues that are arising for the Kindle because it allows users to listen to e-books aloud--and it isn't paying writers or publishers for audio rights.

Horse, getting back on

One of the things I did while I was home sick with the flu this weekend was organize my submissions chart, the Word document where I keep a list of the publications I've sent to, what story I sent, if I heard back, etc.

I am one of those people who loves organizing things (I was the 8 year old who got overjoyed at buying school supplies. Trapper keepers! Rulers! Yea!). So usually I kinda dig getting by sub chart in order.

But this time, it depressed me. "Look at all those places I've submitted to--ie, Look at all those places who rejected me!" I said aloud.

Being sick is not a time when I am apt to keep things in perspective, mind you.

Luckily, my husband and Steven King saved me. Brian and I had just finished reading King's memoir/writing book, aptly called, On Writing: A Memoir. Brian quoted the part in King's book where he talks about the spike he used to keep on his desk, which he would use to impale/store his rejection letters. Brian said, "He had thousands on that spike! Thousands! You only have ten on your chart!"

Point taken. Today, with my flu receding, I am getting back on that horse. I looked at my (very well organized) submission chart and saw the list of places I still had to send to, instead of the list of places that already said no.

Best laid plans....

What's that saying about how God will laugh if you tell her your plans? Yea, she's cackling now. I got sick, and therefore have accomplished nothing today. But hopefully I'll catch up tomorrow and Sunday so by Monday my massive list will be whittled away to make room for whatever comes next....

Things to do: A follow up

I realize I often post to do lists, but don't hold myself accountable by actually acknowledging whether or not I complete the tasks. So here goes, from my list posted earlier this week:

Monday
*Finish scenes from the novel that lead up to Emily going to New York. Fail! I did write, but I didn't get as far as I had hoped. We got a new dog, and I blame his distracting cuteness.

*Do exercise for writing class Success!

Tuesday
*Go to class Success! And I got great feedback on the chapter I had submitted, which I'll blog about later this week

[Non-writerly things to do: *Call heat guys* Success! Scheduled an appointment
*Call old eye doctor* Fail--I forgot, and will move task to later in the week
*Make aptmt with new eye doctor* ditto]

Wednesday
*Continue writing novel; devote at least one hour I believe I will fail on this, since I have plans tonight, which I forgot about when I wrote this list. But I'm OK with that, as I'm really looking forward to the social plans!

[Non-writerly things to do: *Send in medical reimbursements*]I assume I will do this.

Things to do

It's been a while since I posted a writerly to do list. But I took Thursday and Friday off this week, and the only way I will not squander it watching TV and knitting is to set myself a list of things to do. Here goes:

Monday
*Finish scenes from the novel that lead up to Emily going to New York.
*Do exercise for writing class

Tuesday
*Go to class

[Non-writerly things to do: *Call heat guys* *Call old eye doctor* *Make aptmt with new eye doctor*]

Wednesday
*Continue writing novel; devote at least one hour

[Non-writerly things to do: *Send in medical reimbursements*]

Thursday
*Finish application for fellowship program; ask for recommendations
*Draft query letter for Writer's Digest magazine
*Organize short story submissions, ie, Where to send next?
*Continue working on novel
*Contact freelance referral

[Non-writerly things to do: *Pack up everything in my office to prepare for renovations*]

Friday
*Finalize two short stories that are
just about ready to send out.
*Continue on novel
[Non-writerly things to do: *Potentially put up paneling and buy paint for office* *Buy wall plastic stuff for kitchen* *Buy grout for bathroom*]

Muse and the Marketplace

I just signed up for Grub Street's Muse and the Marketplace I am very excited to go to this event. I have wanted to for a few years, but it just didn't make sense when I was in my MFA program and getting similar lectures and discussions there.
But now that I am out of school, I have a perfect excuse to check it out. It's pricey, though, so I was wavering. But I ultimately decided to go for one day (Sunday) AND to sign up to meet with an agent! That's an add on (read: more money) but I figured it could be worth it if the agent and I hit it off. And if not, it'll be an experience at least. I'm sure I'll learn something.
Plus, it makes me want to have 20 really polished pages of my novel ready by April so I can give her that to read, as opposed to a short story. While I'm hoping to publish my short stories in magazines, I don't necessarily want to publish a collection of them, especially since people don't really buy story collections that often. (Not that all novels sell well, either, I know.)

Models Don't Eat Chocolate Cookies...the book AND the book trailer!

Erin Dionne, who I have the pleasure of knowing, just published her first novel! Models Don't Eat Chocolate Cookies a wonderful story about a teenage girl who tries to lose weight in order to get out of participating in a modeling contest for chubby girls.

I couldn't be happier for Erin--or more excited about the many interesting things she's doing to promote the book. View exhibit A:



Go to Erin's website for more info, and some exciting giveaways!

Join me for a writer's retreat--right here in Boston!

I'm excited to announce that I'm teaching a new writing class at the Boston Center for Adult Education.

I created the class idea around the kind of one-day class I would want to attend. We'll do lots of fun exercises, talk about the writing process, and workshop some short pieces. If you or anyone you know is in the Boston area, come join me! Here's more info:

Intensive Writers' Retreat

Have you always wanted to write, but have a hard time getting started? Or have you been writing but currently feel stuck? Or do you just want to spend a Saturday writing with others? If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, this class is for you. We will begin with writing exercises to get inspired and to learn about different aspects of the craft of writing, such as characterization, setting scenes, and plot. As a group, we will discuss the writing that comes out of the exercises. If students want, they can bring copies of a two or three page writing excerpt that they want workshopped. This class will mostly address fiction writers, but essayists, memoirists, and creative non-fiction writers are welcome to attend.

Dates:
Saturday March 21 from 10 a.m.-2:30 p.m.
Saturday April 4 from 10 a.m.-2:30 p.m.
Cost is $100 ($80 for BCAE members)

Advertise this

Yesterday I read this article, on how newspapers are taking out ads in newspapers to advertise... you guessed it, newspapers! With everyone crying out about the inevitable demise of the newspaper, newspaper editors are shouting, "Wait! Hold up a minute! We're not going anywhere!"

I like the concept of fighting back in whatever way you can. And it's not like newspapers are sitting idly by, not doing things to retain their readers. They're creating web sites, trying to make money there. The Boston Globe's site, for instance, has lots of neat features like photo essays and interactive graphics.

And I think this is what publishers of fiction and poetry should do too. Stand up for themselves, while also adapting to the needs of the marketplace.

Serial novels... and the Wovel

With so many news stories about publishing houses failing, I want to post about a possible new trend in publishing: serial novels, aka the Wovel when it's published on the Web.

NPR did a story about a woman who started a new publishing house that publishes Wovels along with traditional books. The Wovels are published in weekly installments. At the end of each "chapter", online readers can vote to decide where the story goes. They're meant to be read when you have a few minutes to yourself--you know, the many times a day when you might check Facebook or your email.

Slate just published a serial novella by one of my favorite authors, Curtis Sittenfeld. It's got a political bent, and it was posted in 5 parts around the time of the inauguration.

What do these serial novels have to do with failing publishing houses? Well, I think this new trend means that publishers are continuing to think outside the book (box) to figure out how to allow people to make money through their writing. So hopefully this will mean new opportunities for publishers and writers, not an end to opportunities for them.

Writing the Novel: Class #1

I think I'm going to like my class. My professor, Bill Holinger, seems very smart and funny (and looks just like Dennis Quaid!). And the group seems serious about writing.

As a way to introduce ourselves, instead of the normal "why are you taking this class" line of questions, he had us list a good book we've read recently. I took copious notes, so I now have a long list of books to check out. Whoo! (See below)

We also talked a lot about the process of writing a novel, and the conversation left me daunted! It's so very different from writing stories, it seems. But for the moment, I am just going to focus on getting the first two chapters revised and focused.

If you have a novel that you're revising, you might find some of these suggestions interesting:

• Put each scene on an index card and lay them out on a table in order. Read through them and see if the progression makes sense. Move index cards and insert ideas for new scenes, as needed.
• Print out the whole book, and lie each chapter on a table. Read each chapter, leaving a handwritten note atop each chapter regarding what scenes need to move, what character details need to change, etc.
  
• Tape index cards with scenes/notes on what happens in each chapter to the wall, and rearrange them as need be.

Partial list of recommended books
To Serve them All my Days (The prof recommended this one)
Brick Lane
Potato Factory
A House at the End of the World
Angle of Repose
Cloud Splitter
The Knock Out Artist

Anyone read any of these? If so, let me know what you thought!

Best laid plans...and a new class!

Well, my commute SUCKED yesterday, so I didn't get home until much later than expected. And by then I was pretty beat, so I didn't end up writing. I did finish the book I was reading (while warming up my frozen body in a bath), When Will There Be Good News by Kate Atkinson. I found the book a little hard to get into because it bounced around to the stories of many different characters. But once I got a lay of the land and could keep everyone straight, it was enjoyable. The writing was particularly good, with lots of interesting plays on words.

My goal for this week/weekend is to finalize revisions on two short stories, and make a list of places to send them.

Also, I'm starting another class tonight! It's on writing the novel, and I hope to revise some chapters of my NaNoWriMo manuscript. I'm a little nervous to be back in the classroom, week in and week out. I thought I wanted the structure that a class would provide, and now I'm scared about that very same thing. I guess we'll see...

An evening of writing

My husband starts classes this week. It means he'll be out of the house two nights a week. And I am psyched. Not because I don't love spending time with him--I do, probably a bit too much. Having him home raises the question: do you want to write this evening or snuggle on the couch and talk or watch TV? That makes it hard to get my butt in the chair.

But now he'll be out of the house, and I have to go straight home after work to walk Chloe-dog. So that means I'll be home alone with every intention to cook myself dinner, and then write for a good solid hour. Then I might reward myself with some television and knitting.

I'll let you know how it goes!

An encouraging rejection

I don't like getting rejections of any kind (see post from a few days ago). But I did learn through teachers and other writers that there is a "good" kind of rejection. I guess when editors were on the fence about a piece, they will often include a personal note with the rejection. Something like, "Nice work, please send to us again."

I got one such rejection recently from Hayden's Ferry Review. They were in my "top tier" of literary mags, so I'm proud to get a kind note from the editor. Of course I would've been prouder had they published the piece, but I'll take what I can get.

WAP: Writing Action Plan

Poet mom has a great post describing the benefits of having an action plan for writing. In her case, it's a PAP: a Poetry Action Plan. I'm adapting her idea into a Writing Action Plan, or WAP, since I don't write poetry.

Here's my 2009 WAP.

1. Get three short stories finished and into the submissions roster.
2. Revise my NaNoWriMo novel.
3. Attend Grub Street's Muse and the Market Place in May.
4. Continue writing drafts of short stories as the muse strikes/time allows (meaning goals 1 and 2 take priority).
   
5. Do NaNoWriMo again (most likely).
   
6. Get something accepted at NPR.

I have some other things I'd like to do too, including getting a few steady freelance clients, breaking into a big magazine, and teaching at a community college. And I'll be teaching a writing workshop at the BCAE that I'm really excited about. But I like the number 6. And those 6 goals are really most important to me in 2009.
So here goes.

What's your WAP, or PAP or other-AP?

Rejection: The hits just keep on coming

Dear Rejection,
I'm trying not to take you personally. I'm trying to be all Zen about you, each time you come into my email box or via the SASE that I enclosed with my submission to Some Literary Journal. I'm trying to say to you, "you're part of the process" and "the only way to not have you in my life is to give up sending my stories out." And I believe those things, I do.

But part of me still wishes you were a distinct entity that I could greet with a steel-toed kick in the crotch the next time you tried to make your way into my life. Another part of me wishes that I would never have to meet you again. Ever. And the rest of me knows that's not possible (See "the things I'm trying to say to you").

So Rejection, I will not take you personally. I will remember that all it takes to get out of you and into Acceptance is one editor who likes my work. I will make some tweaks to the story I've been sending out based on a wonderful reader's advice, and I will just keep going.

But Rejection? If you decide to stay home and hibernate this winter, I will knit you a quilt and brew you some tea to make sure you're nice and cozy.

With Grudging Fondness,
Writerbug

Cool journal call for submissions

I heard about this neat publication called The First Line. They supply writers with a first line, and you use that line--exactly as is-- as the first line in a short story and submit it to them for review and possibly publication.

The line for winter submissions is:

Herman Sligo was a bit actor who played Uncle Emil in three episodes of the popular television series The Five Sisters.

Submissions are due 2/1/2009. I'm going to make an attempt at creating a story around this line. Anyone want to join me?

Publishing Question

For those of you who have published in journals before or know about the process, can you tell me if it is as good to get published in literary magazines published by colleges and edited by the MFA students, as compared to literary journals that may or may not be affiliated with a college and that are edited by a professional staff? I'm making my list of places to send things to, and I want to "tier" it and first send to the more prestigious places, etc.

Check... and check

A snowy weekend equals a productive weekend for bug. On the writing front, I:

• Read and commented on Jessica's stories
• Sent her my stories for her comments
• Researched a few more places to send my Cartes story too (which I will do tomorrow)
• Started to flesh out an outline of my NaNoWriMo manuscript. I only got about 5 chapters in, but I think I'll stop there and start writing those five chapters because I think that I need to get those down before moving on to the next batch.
  
• Researched some writing retreats and realized that I don't want to apply to any until I have a better sense of what going will help me accomplish that I couldn't get done taking a "staycation".

I also finished a very complicated hat that I knit for a sick coworker, and a hat that I knit for my cousin (though I may have to redo that one--it depends on how much it shrank during blocking. It came out way too large for some reason...). And I wrapped all my presents and sent out a few Christmas cards. (If you don't get one, please know that it's not because I don't love you! I only sent cards to people who live far away, who really love getting mail, or who I know I won't see for a while.)

A snowy weekend

This weekend is probably going to be quieter than I planned, with the impending snow storm and all. I've given myself a writing break to allow myself to recover from the madness of NaNoWriMo and also to embrace the madness of the holidays. I'm thinking a snowed in weekend might be a good time to get started on that revision.

But where do I start? That's a question that's been plaguing me. But Chris Baty of NaNo fame (he's the founder), gave the following advice and I'm going to follow it:

Make a 10- or 20-page book synopsis that travels through your whole novel, laying out the key things readers learn and see in each chapter.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Writerly list of things to do

Among the many Christmassy things I need to do, I'd like to get some writerly tasks completely too.

1. Apply for writing residency. This weekend.
2. Send Jessica two stories for her review. This weekend.
3. Read Jessica's stories. This week.
4. Start reading TI's thesis. This week.

There are other things on my longer term list, but I'd like to keep things as simple as possible so I'll leave it at that for this week.

A fine balance

One of the lessons I learned from NaNo was that I could write for an hour or more everyday. But I also learned that I don't want to. Well, no--I would like to get that much writing done. But I don't want to give up the things I have to give up in order to devote that much time to writing.

I'm a social person. I need to go out. I also need to take care of my house, do freelance work, do volunteer work, and do other crafts. I say "need" because really, those things are important to me and make my life happy. Just like I need to write.

So here's my new plan. I'll let you know how it works out!

• During the week, my work days will be devoted to my day job and only my day job. Duh. Sounds obvious, but I can get distracted at times, as I'm sure we all can. But with the economy being how it is, I need to be more productive than ever at work.
• I'll go out 2 nights a week after work for drinks, yoga, knitting group, or dinner with friends.
  
• The other 2 nights, I'll go home and take care of house stuff and write for at least 1 hour (or take care of writing business, such as submissions).
• The leftover weeknight will be flexible--some weeks I'll go out, some I'll write.
  
• Saturdays will be my writing day. I will write for at least 3 hours every Saturday. I'll also get stuff done around the house as needed, and devote at least 2 hours to freelancing.
  
• Saturday nights will be a date night with Brian most of the time (the exceptions would be for parties we're invited to as a couple, family stuff, etc.)
• Sunday will be a more social day for knitting groups, book groups, dinner with friends/family.
  

I still need to work volunteering into the schedule. Now, I do random volunteer work here and there. Ideally, I'd like to do something more consistent, but we'll see how that works out.

If I can implement this plan, I think I'd be very happy with this life!

Good essay

I'm a little in love with Garrison Keillor. Or, more precisely with his writing and the subjects he writes about. He makes life seem so simple, even when he's pointing out what makes life messy. He seems like a man who has his head screwed on straight, and coming from a woman who often loses her head, this seems like a very fine quality indeed.

Reading his recent essay on Salon also made me realize once again why I love writing and reading so much: there is something so touching when someone expresses sentiments you have felt (and maybe not even noticed). It makes you feel so much less alone in this crazy world. And when someone expresses them as well as Keillor? That's pure magic.

How I spent my November

Phew! I was a bit burnt out after NaNo, hence my not posting for a while. I promise to post this week with some of the things I learned from NaNo. For now, I leave you with a picture that pretty much captures 99% of how I spent November.

Winner!!

I did it! I wrote 50,000 words in one month! Through all the craziness that life through at me, I wrote and wrote. It's a lot of crap, to be honest, but it's my crap and I am so very proud to have created it!

Now I'm going to give my little fingers a rest and stop typing. First, I'll leave you with the quote on the winner's certificate, which I will be printing and proudly hanging in my home and work offices.

Through storm and sun, you traversed the noveling seas. Pitted against a merciless deadline and fighting hordes of distractions, you persevered. You launched yourself bravely into Week One, sailed through the churning waters of Week Two, skirted the mutinous shoals of Weeks Three and Four, and now have landed, victorious, in a place that few adventurers ever see.

We congratulate you on your hard work, salute your discipline and follow-through, and celebrate your imagination.

You did something amazing this month, novelist. We couldn't be prouder.

NaNoWriMo: Lessons learned

I'm not done with NaNo--I still have about 14,000 words to write. (Scary! Especially considering the fact that Thurs. is likely to be a wash.) But I did want to write about one of the things I learned from NaNo.

Recently, I got to a point in my story where I felt like I was done with it. Not as in, "This novel is awesome and totally complete!" but as in, "I have nowhere else to go with this." But since I made this promise to myself and the NaNo world, I needed to push forward anyway. So I started writing from another character's point of view, just to help me get into his head.

And you know what? I realized that this story should be told from multiple points of view! That M.C trying to figure out her sister's suicide impacts the people she interviews in various, interesting ways. So that's where I'm taking the story now. I'm guessing I wouldn't have learn about that part of the story as quickly (or maybe at all) had I not made myself sit down and write when I felt like I had nothing more to say.

So, thank you NaNo!

(WriMo word count as of 8 p.m. on Monday: 37,830 words)

NaNoWriMo: I did it!

No, I didn't hit 50,000 words on Day 18.

But I did allow myself to try something new--writing from different characters' perspectives, and it felt really good! I got 2,100 words written in about an hour and a half. And I like them. (Well, I haven't reread them, but I liked them as they were coming out.) But more importantly, I like the idea of making this story from more than one point of view. So now I have a whole bunch of stuff to write, which means that I will get to 50,000 words, I just know it.

Feeling inspired as I break to go to my physical therapy appointment and then get some much needed food into my stomach.

NaNoWriMo Update

I fell a bit off course because I had my lovely friend Gracie (who has a new fabulous blog about cooking and eating) come visit this weekend.

But I skipped dinner last night and wrote 2,000 words to help me catch up. I'm at the point where I think most of what I'm writing is pretty awful and won't make it past draft 1, but the point here is just to get the words down, and that's what I'm doing.

I'm hoping to hit 2,000 more tonight. I'm hopeful that I'll finish this crazy thing, though I know Thanksgiving is going to mess me up a bit, since we're hosting a house full of family. And this internal editor of mine is coming on strong, telling me over and over what BS I'm writing. But I'm trying to duct tape her mouth and slog on through.

NaNoWriMo: Your opinion please!

So I'm coming to a blocked place regarding my novel. I know MC has one more family member to visit on her quest to figure out why her sister killed herself. But that surely won't take up 25,000 words. So now what?

There's a potential love interest brewing between her and her best friend, David. I would like to expand that, but I'm thinking there might need to be more tension there. Maybe another man comes out of the woodwork and thwarts David's efforts? Any other ideas?

What else could happen? So far, her visiting with her parents has led to a tentative kind of reconciliation between her and each of them. I'm thinking something different has to happen when she goes to visit the aunt (That's the last family member she needs to learn from.) I think what she learns from her aunt is just that living with the death of someone close to you will never get easy, but it will get manageable. Not sure how that comes out, but I assume I'll figure that out as I go. But if you have ideas...I'm open!

I think M.C. has to come to terms with the fact that she drinks too much. Not sure how to make that happen... Any ideas?

And any thoughts on what else could happen? The themes of the book so far are suicide, alcoholism, and reconciliation.

Any ideas, prompts, thoughts, direction, etc are most entirely welcome.

NaNoWriMo: Day 12: I'm getting tired

My excitement is starting to wane a bit. I think I'm getting a little burnt out. I'm not going to stop, mind you, but I want to be honest about how I'm feeling. I'll do my 1,600 words today, though I'd much rather just watch TV, clean up, and then take a bath. (I'll try to write and then do the latter two.)

I'm taking tomorrow off from writing because my dear friend Gracie is coming to town from Seattle, and Kerry and I are meeting her for dinner after work. I might not get to write on Friday, though I'll try to squeeze some in in the morning, before G and I go off to have some fun in Boston.

Then on Saturday, she's having coffee with a friend to give me some time to write in the morning. She leaves on Sunday afternoon (wah!) so I'll have time to write then. And I took Monday off work just in case I need some more hours to devote to NaNo'ing, so I'm not too worried if I fall a bit behind.

Anyway, that's where I'm at: still devoted, but glad to have some time to spend with some dear friends and to get away from this damn computer.

NaNoWriMo: Day 11: A very short post

I wrote more than 3,000 words today! So I won't be writing much more here. But I am at 21,055 words!! 21,055!! That's more than a third of the way there! Whoo hoo!!

NaNoWriMo: Day 10

I can't believe it's Day 10! And that I'm at 17,000 words! I'm pacing myself perfectly (not to jinx myself). I have tomorrow off from work, so I'm going to try to hit 20,000. That way, when Gracie comes to visit this weekend from Seattle (yea!!), I won't have to be too stressed if I miss a day of writing.

The writing is moving. I'm getting a much better sense of what this story is about--M.C. finding her way back to her family, which she has been estranged from for a long time. In doing so, she really fulfills the wish of her sister, which M.C. didn't even know about until she started to look into why Sister killed herself.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm sure a lot fo these 17,000 words are pure drivel. But they're words. Words that wouldn't be there without this challenge. So thank you NaNo!

PS--Check out the awesome NaNo badge I added to the blog (on the left)!

NaNoWriMo: Days 7, 8, 9

I planned a fun writing day yesterday--a friend met me at Borderland State Park and we took a long walk with Chloe the Wonderpup. Then we went back to my house, had a quick lunch, and wrote for a few hours. (Well, I wrote and she wrote/read/napped.) I got 3,000 words done, which made up for my lack of writing on Friday.

At the end of that session, I got the feeling like maybe I didn't have enough of a story to continue onward for another, oh, 40,000 words. And I started to get anxious. But this morning, I wrote my way through it. I think I have enough to get me through the week at least. And hopefully by then, I'll be able to brainstorm my way through any other block.

NaNoWriMo: Day 6

Not much to report. I got about 2,000 words in yesterday at a library-sponsored write in. I'm taking today off because the writing time I had set aside for myself is now being devoted to a friend's father's funeral instead. But I figure I can make up the word count over the weekend. (And of course I think it's important to go support my friend!) Will post again over the weekend for another update.

NaNoWriMo: Day 5

I broke the 9,000 word barrier! Which means that tomorrow, assuming all goes as planned, I'll hit 10,000 and be 1/5 done! I feel like I'm just getting into the meat of the novel, and I'm excited. I know the next two major plot points, and it feels good to have some direction.

I believe MC goes to NY to talk to the guy who was dating her sister when she committed suicide. They haven't talked since her funeral 5 years earlier, but MC wants to ask him if he has any more information now about why she might've done what she did.

From the boyfriend, MC learns that her sister had been in touch with her dad, which MC didn't know. (Their dad left when they were little and started a new family somewhere else.) MC then goes to see him. Not sure what happens after that...

NaNoWriMo: Day 4

I'm late in posting about yesterday's progress, but I have a very happy excuse, what with the history-making election and all. When I walked into my office this morning, a person who works in the building greeted me with a huge smile. He said, "I don't recognize this happy feeling in my chest." I said I knew just what he meant. And there's one word for it: hope.

As for NaNo, we had a write-in yesterday at the library cottage and a few people came, despite having to fit voting into their day. That's what I call NaNo dedication. And I hit my daily word count goal, getting to almost 2,000 words. It was, dare I say it, easy yesterday. The words just flowed. Now, they might be utter crap but that's something to worry about in December. Now, I'm just worried about keeping up this pace for 26 more days...

Current count: 8,000 words

NaNoWriMo: Day 3

This is going to be a short post because it's 9:30 p.m. and I'm behind on my novel word count. I just want to say that a huge benefit of NaNo is that I'm forcing myself to find time to write, even on really busy days like today.

Work was crazy, and my commute took way longer than usual. Then I had some freelance stuff I had to do. So I didn't get to start on the novel until 9 o'clock. If that were to happen when I wasn't involved in this challenge, I would've given up and allowed myself some TV/relaxation time. But with this challenge before me, I said, "1 hour of writing is better than nothing" and got down to it.

NaNoWriMo: Day 2

Day 2 was harder than day 1. Much. I spent about an hour crying--For various reasons, but among them was the "fact" that I just can't do this. This was after B and I looked around for a good coffee shop to write in. We were in the city, where there are a ton, but they were all crowded. We ended up in a Borders nearer to our house, but I found the space annoying. There were screaming kids for one thing.

But now I'm back home, post cry. There's a fire in the fire place, a screwdriver on the coffee table next to me, and Thai food is on it's way. I decided not to worry about moving the story forward, to just brain dump from the main character's point of view. I'm writing it as a conversation between her and her friend, David. Not sure if it'll go anywhere, but this is all about the word count, right?

So. onward, if not upward.

NaNoWriMo: Day 1

I started out the day by sleeping late and then going to PT to work on some exercises to help with a persistent shoulder problem and headaches. Then Brian and I headed over to Starbucks to get our NaNo on. I was surprised at how scared I was! I had forgotten how intimidating it can be to embark on a new writing project--not to mention the fact that this is really my first foray into novel writing.*

But with the help of a mocha, I got started. The words have been coming. They're not good. And I'm switching between third person and first. But I'm writing. And I'm grateful for that.

My goal is to write 3,000 words/weekend day, and 1,600 on weekdays. I'm up to 2,200, with the whole night ahead of me, so I think I'm in good shape. For today. We'll see what tomorrow brings!

Good luck fellow NaNo'ers. Let me know how you're doing!


* I did sort of attempt a novel once. I wrote a short story, and decided to expand it into a novel. I got about half way through before I realized that it really didn't have enough of a plot to be anything more than a short story. So I revised it in its short form.

Last class, new beginnings

Tonight was the last class of my Boston Center for Adult Ed class on memoir writing. This is about the 5th time I've taught the class, and every time it is so different. Goes to show you how much the students' personalities affect the classroom.

It's a 4-class course, and I think we might need more classes to really do the topic justice, and get into a better routine for workshopping. But to be honest, that's a big commitment for me. In fact, I'm thinking about proposing a one-shot class for next semester/year in place of this one. I need to brainstorm class ideas that would be satisfying in such a small dose. Maybe something on ways to overcome writers' block. Any other ideas?

Onto new things... It's almost NaNoWriMo time! We have our South Shore group social tomorrow night, which will be held at the wonderful Easton Ames Public Library cottage. I'm hoping this will not only result in my writing a novel, but that I'll also meet some writer friends in my new 'hood. And I'm thrilled that Brian and I are doing it together. It will be fun to work on such an intense project simultaneously. And we'll have an extra motivation--not wanting to fail in front of one another--and extra support, too.

Election Whimsy

I haven't been knitting much lately, which is making me sad. (Or is that vice versa?) In any case, I can't help but share this adorable knitting idea. Knit your candidate finger puppets. (For the patterns, you need to sign up for a free account at lionbrandyarn.com)

Writing and financial woes

I don't know if this is a fallout from the economic insanity going on around us, but I just found out a long-term, well-paying freelance project of mine is most likely ending. No, this isn't a disastrous blow financially (like, say, losing my job would be), but it does mean some rejiggering of our budget and a leaner Christmas than planned. And it's a scary reminder of all that is not right in the world.

So, I'm networking to try to make up that lost income.

On a happier note, I'm about to add a new link to my left hand column, where publishing contests and calls for submissions are posted. Check it out!

Good article

As many of you know, I love my local library. This NY Times article is about a brave man in Columbia who brings the library to people in remote locations--he rides a donkey and drags the books behind him. What an inspiration!

A whimsical riff on the bookmobile, Mr. Soriano’s Biblioburro is a small institution: one man and two donkeys. He created it out of the simple belief that the act of taking books to people who do not have them can somehow improve this impoverished region, and perhaps Colombia.

Q & A with my NaNoWriMo character

I'm currently at a coffee shop, looking through a book Brian recommended called Getting Into Character by Brandilyn Collins. (Full story: B actually only recommended the first few chapters; he said the ones after that weren't as helpful.)


As readers of this blog know, I like to do an interview with my characters to help me get to know them. Collins suggests a similar exercise, and breaks the questioning into three levels of intimacy; A for small-talk-like questions, B for follow-up questions, and C for deeper questions, the kind you'd ask of someone you really wanted to get to know.

For example, an "A" question might be, Where did you grow up? A "B" question might be, Did you enjoy that place? A "C" question might be, What's your best and worst memories from living there?


I'm starting to think about my NaNoWriMo character, MC. Here is an interview with her. I'm going to try to progress from "A" questions to "B" questions and then to "C" questions.



"A" Questions

Where did you grow up?
Outside of San Francisco

What do you do?
I'm a bartender

Where do you live now?
Somerville, MA

How many siblings do you have?
None

Are you with anyone?
Nope.

"B" Questions
When was your last relationship?
I'm not really a relationship kind of person. I have a few fuck buddies, guy friends who I have good sex with. All the benefits of a relationship with none of the mess.

Do your parents still live in CA?
They're divorced, have been for years. She still lives in the same house we moved to after the divorce. He lives in Hawaii

Do you like your job?
Sure. It's a job, you know? I get to sleep late, get paid to hang out and talk with cool people. In fact, my customers are my closest friends. We don't hang out outside of the bar, but I enjoy their company and laughs inside of it.

What are your least favorite parts of it?
Getting hit on my the non-regulars. The hangovers.

"C" Questions
Are you close with your parents?
That would be a big no. I haven't seen my dad in 10 years. Well, 5 if you count my sister's funeral, but I didn't talk to him there. My mom is another story. we were never really close, but we got along fine. Sarah and I would visit her for Christmas and whatever. But we haven't talked much in the last few years.

I thought you said you were an only child?
Well, yea, I am now. I lie about this every time someone asks. Sarah killed herself 5 years ago.

That's awful. I'm so sorry.
Yea.

Is this what you imagined your life to be like at 29?
No. I was supposed to have some smart person job. I went to college. And Sarah was supposed to have finally relented and moved to Boston. Or maybe I would've moved to New York to be with her. I guess that depends on whether she was still with Eric. He was what was keeping her there, I knew. I also wasn't supposed to be drinking so much. I was supposed to see my mom's problem and recognize it as something I should avoid. But all of this changed when Sarah died.

Are you mad at her?
What's the point.
[After a few drinks]
Sure, I'm pissed. How could she leave me? How could she leave me to deal with our parents and life all alone? Why didn't she tell me what was going on?

Good quote from the winner of the Nobel in literature

The French writer Jean-Marie Gustave Le Clézio won the 2008 Nobel prize in literature. I love this quote he gave (from the NY Times article on the announcement). It conveys one of the reasons why I think it's so important to write and read fiction.

Asked at the news conference if he had any message to convey, Mr. Le Clézio said: “My message will be very clear; it is that I think we have to continue to read novels. Because I think that the novel is a very good means to question the current world without having an answer that is too schematic, too automatic. The novelist, he’s not a philosopher, not a technician of spoken language. He’s someone who writes, above all, and through the novel asks questions.”

NaNoWriMo

I've officially signed up for the craziest thing I've ever done: trying to write a novel in a month. (To read more about the group/idea, go here.)

Brian is doing it, too, which I hope will help keep me accountable. I also hope that trying to write so many words in such a short amount of time will get me to get over feeling so scared about creating shitty first drafts. I mean, the only way to get through this kind of challenge is to be 100% aware that most of what you write is going to be crap. The goal is just to get stuff down on paper, so that you can sift through it and hopefully have something to work with and fix up come December.

Brian and I worked with the library in our new town to set up a writing space for NaNoWriMos. The library is amazing--they gave us access to a cottage where we can meet and write two nights a week. Other NaNo-ers have set up write-ins at various coffee shops and bookstores in the area.

To be honest, I'm really scared about doing this. What if I can't? But I'm also excited to have a new, hard-to-reach goal and to have a community building around it.

Writing exercises

I'm not writing. I just don't have the energy, the drive, the desire. I've even been questioning whether I should write at all. I'm thinking about how much easier life would be if I gave up this dream and found a way to be content with my (fairly successful) work life.

But I know I'll get out of this place eventually and remember why I love writing. In the meantime, I'm going to commit to doing some writing exercises. Instead of focusing on any goal-oriented project like, say, "finish a short story", I'm just going to take writing prompts and go with them. No goal. No nothing. Just write.

I think it's a step in the right (write) direction.

Nothing to say...Good article on writing

I haven't posted in a while because, frankly, I've had nothing to say. I'm dealing with some stuff that is keeping me from writing. And since I don't want to go into that stuff I just haven't been posting.

But I read a great article on Writer's Digest's web site today that I thought I would share:
http://writersdigest.com/article/writers-life-giving-it-up/

It's by a recent MFA graduate who is having doubts about his writing. (Sound familiar?)

Here are two of my favorite passages:

Worst of all, there was no one pushing me forward—no thesis advisor demanding pages, no editor lashing me to finish before deadline, no father demanding I get out of his hot tub and start writing.

Everyone talks about doing things—how they have an idea for a book or magazine piece or whatever—but how many of those people actually sit down and do it? The irony was that I’d already gotten through the hardest part and now I wanted to give up. It’s like quitting a marathon in mile 25 because your shoulder hurts.

Forgotten step

I forgot a very important step between writing and editing--letting the story sit! So I'm leaving the Obit story alone for a while. Instead I'm writing a first draft of another story I've been thinking about for a while. This one is about a woman who goes home to see her parents after a break-up, but doesn't find the consolation she needs there. I'm not really sure what will happen. I guess that's the fun of the first draft!

I'm also gearing up for NaNoWriMo. I can't wait!

Editing my new story

If you've been reading this blog, you know that I am happily writing again. I have finished a very very messy first draft of a story, and I need to figure out how to go back and revise it. And this story will need re-visioning in the truest sense of the word. As I said, it's a mess. But it's a mess I've created, and that makes me happy.

Questions--asked and answered--that will help me revise

1. What is this story about? On a plot level, it's about a male reporter who helps a widow grieve by rewriting her husband's obit. The husand's parents wrote the one that ran in the paper, and it was factually accurate, but not emotionally accurate. She wants a document that she can show their unborn daughter that better captures her husband as the 3-dimensional person he was.

2. Whose point of view is it in? Right now it is told mostly from the point of view of the male reporter. I jumped into the widow's point of view when he starts to interview her about her husband. At the time, I was thinking I was doing this just to ease the writing of those parts. But I'm wondering now if maybe the story should have both points of view in it. I think that's something I may hold off on exploring though until a third draft if the POV doesn't seem to be working.

3. What is the emotional story? I think the story is about this reporter who is a bit dejected; he just went through a divorce and is questioning his rather spur of the moment move to the island of Nantucket to be a newspaper reporter. He thought he would like the work more, that it would matter more. But it feels like a bit of a grind, like he's just reporting on these wealthy people and their wealthy people problems.

4. What unexpected element has come up as you're writing? When I was writing in the POV of the widow, she went down this road about how the husband couldn't really stand up to his wealthy parents, that they gave the son money--even a house in Hyannis--and that he felt beholden to them because of it. I think the couple fought over this, with her feeling like she'd rather be less wealthy and not so much under their thumb. She wonders if he would've regretted his weakness in this area if he had lived longer.

5. What are you going to do with this element? As I'm typing this, I'm realizing that maybe talking with the widow about her seemingly perfect husband, with all his money and his beautiful wife and baby-to-be, makes the reporter feel worse about himself, makes him question even more what the hell he's doing with his life.

But then the widow asks about him, how he ended up on the island. He tells about how he just picked up and left after his wife left him, that he came here knowing no one, and having never worked at a newspaper before. She admires him, and talks about how that's something her husband never would've done, moved away from his parents, and that whole element of his parents' control comes out. It makes the reporter feel a little better to know that even people who look like they have it all figured out are just slogging their way through life, too. And now, maybe when he asks himself what the hell he's doing there, instead of hearing his ex-wife's shrill questions about why he would move to an island in the middle of nowhere, he'd hear this widow's amazement at his bravery.

And, as the widow talks more and more about this, she realizes that if she stays in their house, she'll be in the same boat. So by the end she is contemplating moving back to the little, artsy town in Rhode Island that she lived in before she met her husband.

6. How does it end? She falls asleep peacefully in his office as he types up the obit, feeling truly useful--because of him she'll have an obit that reflects who her husband truly was, and because in helping this woman create it, he also helped her realize that she didn't want to stay in the controlled situation she was in.

***

The end, among other areas, still doesn't feel quite right. Something is off regarding the reporter and his emotional development/arch. But I think I need to get into draft #2 to figure out what it is. Or maybe I'll post an interview with the reporter to get a better sense of who he is.

And now a question for you, readers: I'd like to know something about how you revise, on a very practical level. Do you just into the Word document you've already been working in? Do you open a fresh document?

Good quote

"Stop thinking, start writing"
~Sara Gruen

In a recent Writer's Digest, Gruen, the author or Water for Elephants, said that was what she told herself when she was trying and failing to write. I think it perfectly sums up my own writing struggles, when they occur.

(Though luckily now is not one of those times! I'm working on a short story and enjoying it, and I have an idea for the novel I want to pursue in November for NaNoWriMo.)

Another submission

I sent my paris/postcard out to another journal. This makes 3 that it is under consideration with. I'm planning on sending it to 2 more in October, and then I will start sending out my next story. My plan is to have a few stories out to 5 journals each at a time. Then I'll wait for the acceptances to roll in and move on from there. :) It's my nature to be all negative and say "wait for the rejections", but I stopped myself. Let's remain positive, shall we?

Sacrifices/cutting back

So at that BPL talk I went to on Monday, Matthew Quick talked about the many sacrifices he and his wife made to nurture his writing-namely, they moved from Phili to outside of Boston to live with his in-law's rent-free so he could work on his writing full time. Talk about a sacrifice!

I'm realizing that I, too, need to make some sacrifices in order to start pushing full steam ahead. Namely, I have to go out less. I spend a lot of time socializing. Some of it really nourishes me. Others of it feels like more of an obligation. And there's a whole range of things in between. So while I'll obviously try to keep the nourishing stuff in, and throw the obligatory stuff out, the overall result is that I won't be going out as much.

I think a reasonable goal is no more than one night out after work per week. And only one planned activity per weekend day. So if I plan to play tennis in the morning, then I don't also have people over for dinner that evening.

I have a sneaking suspicion that not only will I get more writing done, but I'll also enjoy life a tad more when I'm not running all over the place. And hopefully blogging about this plan will keep me honest about sticking with it!

Gratitude Post #2

I'm feeling myself slipping back into my recent funk, so it's time to be grateful again.

On Monday night, I went to a reading of first-time authors at the Boston Public Library. Each writer told his/her story about getting a first book published, and then read a bit from the book. It was very inspirational--the overall message was to just work really hard. I especially appreciated one of the author's outlooks. Matthew Quick, author of The Silver Lining Playbook, said that hard work can outrun talent, that he might not be the most talent writer out there, but he sure did work hard--both to write the book, and to find an agent. I also feel that with hard work, a person can do almost anything, so it was nice to see that confirmed (did I mention his book as already been optioned for a movie??). The other writers--Amy MacKinnon and Brunonia Barry--also gave interesting talks about getting to where they were.

So, I am grateful to live near Boston and to work in the city, making it fairly easy for me to go to so many literary events.

Gratitude Post #1

As I posted last week, I am doing some Gratitude Postings this week to keep me focused on how many wonderful things I have in my life (even though it can seem like the crap outweighs the good on any given day; hence the need for Gratitude Posts!).

When I think of gratitude in relation to writing, I immediately think of the community of writers I have around me, and the people that support me as a writer. Here is a very short list, which surely doesn't encompass everyone:

• My MFA buddies. One of the best thing I got out of school was the friends with whom I can commiserate and talk about writing. It's amazing to have friends who went through the same schooling, who are at similar places with their writing, and whom I just love in general.
  
• Blogging buddies. I love having the blog as a place to write about writing, but most of all I love the conversations it allows for, and the friendship it creates and rejuvenates. For example, I worked with/for the fantastic writers Boston Erin and Poet Mom, and then we lost touch. We reconnected mainly through our blogs, and now I consider them to be two of my Writing Gurus, my go-to gals for writing questions.
• Non-writing friends and coworkers who get it. Not everyone does, and it can be frustrating. But I am very grateful to those non-writers out there who sympathize with my struggles, and who ask in very kind ways how the writing is going.
  
• And lastly, but certainly not leastly (a word I just made up), my dear husband B. Not only does he put up with me during the many crazy ups and downs of a writing life, but he also (god help him) encourages me. And he believes in me, even when I can't really figure out why.
  

Some time away

Without planning to, I took the weekend off. I gave myself total permission to do nothing productive. I even napped in a hammock, the quintessential relaxing endeavor. Now I'm back, feeling very refreshed. And the odd thing is, I even managed to slip some work into the weekend--I created a chart to track my submissions, and researched some journals to submit to. But it didn't feel like work. The beauty of not expecting anything out of yourself.

Speaking of which, I think the very reason I am having such a hard time writing right now is because I'm expecting too much from myself and my writing. I'm not allowing myself the time for Shitty First Drafts. I'm expecting to have been published yesterday.

So I'm going to start over in creating my post MFA writing life. I'm going to experiment with ways to keep myself writing, but also keep myself enjoying the process (with room for the occasional freak out of course. What kind of writer doesn't freak out from time to time?). I'm not sure what the experiments are going to look out, so stay tuned.

Getting to know you....

I've figured out some of the problems regarding my story. One is that I'm putting way too much pressure on myself--something about having graduated makes me feel like I should be producing a ton of high-quality work, which is just stunting my creative process. Not sure how I'm going to get over that...

Something that's easier for me to fix is this: I did a ton of journaling/blogging about Janine, my main character, when I started the story. But then she changed A TON, and so did the story. I never re-brainstormed about who she was. So while the plot of the story feels right, the voice of it doesn't, because I don't know my character yet. So stay tuned for some "getting to know you" exercises. I'll probably post an interview with her later on this evening.

Also to come: Next week is Gratitude Week on Writerbug. I'm going to spend the whole week staying positive on the blog. I've been much too negative/whiny--on here and in general.

For now, I'm off for dinner/drinks with a friend.

If I used all the time I spend fretting to write...

...I'd be published by now.

This transition from MFA student to graduate is harder than I thought it would be. I thought having my degree would make me feel like a "real" writer. Surprise: it doesn't! I don't know what will. I want to say publishing a novel, but my guess is that if I did that, and wasn't a best seller, I'd still feel like it wasn't enough. I think this feeling can be a good thing--as it pushes me to do more and more. But right now, the feeling is so overwhelming all it does is make me cry.

So I'm taking tomorrow off, having a full me-day to regroup. So far the plan is to wake up, walk Chloe, do some yoga, and then head to Salem for a day at the beach, writing in a cafe (assuming I find a cool one), eating a nice lunch, and wandering around town. I hope to use some of this time to think about what I could be doing--right now--to make my life more the way I want, to make me feel more like I am a writer.

I say "right now," because "quitting my job and writing all day" just ain't gonna happen.

Wish me luck!

Writerly events

Some literary events that I will have the pleasure of going to in the next month:

• First time novelists Brunonia Barry (The Lace Reader), Amy MacKinnon (Tethered) and Matthew Quick (The Silver Linings Playbook) discuss their paths to publication. On Sept. 2
• Four stories on Sept. 8, where 4 writers read on a given theme.This events' theme is friends and strangers.
  
• Billy Collins reading on Sept. 25 at the Brookline Booksmith.

Let me know if you'd like to join me! I have "dates" for each event, but the more the merrier. :)

Though I lament the end of summer as much as the next New Englander, September sure does mean the beginning of the lit scene here in Boston.

Slow but steady

I didn't follow the writing schedule I posted last week. I'm not exactly shocked. I think I post schedules/goals that are just a *tad* out of my reach. While it is sometimes depressing that I never seem to be meeting these goals, I also know it's motivating, and if I made the goals too easy, I wouldn't be challenging myself. Also, I often forget to list certain tasks in my list, tasks that must be done before I move on to the later task. Like in last week's list I forgot to put down an important scene that went between what I had labeled scene one and two. (That last explanation is just to ward off any of you who might be thinking, "She couldn't get through that measly list of scenes to write? Pathetic!" Or maybe that's just my internal editor talking?)

So, this week, I still have three items left over from last week's to do list:
1. Journal about Janine's friendship with Rita, who comes into the next scene. I need to get a better understanding of how these two interact. TO DO: TUESDAY, on train ride to work.

2. Write the third scene, where Janine's friend Rita comes to the hospital, and asks Janine a bunch of questions that makes us (the reader) realize that what Janine has been thinking/telling us about her marriage isn't exactly true. TO DO: WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY EVENINGS. THIS IS A BIG SCENE, AND MIGHT TAKE MORE THAN ONE DAY OF WRITING TO GET THROUGH.

3. Write the final scene, where Janine finds out her husband came out of surgery alive, and she realizes how much work she has ahead of her to repair her marriage. TO DO: OVER THE WEEKEND

Other writing-related tasks to do this week:
**Create a workshop proposal for a class on collage-making as part of the creative writing process for a local non-profit looking for writing classes. This will be done with B, so that should be super fun.

**This weekend I'd like to organize a few writing-related things, namely my sending-out process.

A writing meme

Becca posted this meme for writers, and I couldn't resist answering her questions.

1. Do you write fiction or non-fiction? Or both? I write fiction mostly, but I dabble in essay writing, too. I like how non-fiction helps me work through/think about my life more clearly, but I'm drawn more to fiction. Writing and reading fiction also helps me to work through the issues that arise in my life, and there's something so satisfying to me in knowing that there are infinite possibilities when you start a work of fiction, and the work is getting to the place where you know you've landed in the one that's perfect for your story.
   
2. Do you keep a journal or a writing notebook? I do have a writing notebook. I've been using my morning commute to journal (by far the best way to spend that time!). I would say I spend half the time writing about my life, and half working out problems in the story I'm working on. The latter is so amazingly helpful--that way when I do my "real writing" later in the day, in front of the computer, my pump (brain) is primed.
   
3. If you write fiction, do you know your characters’ goals, motivations, and conflicts before you start writing or is that something else you discover only after you start writing? Do you find books on plotting useful or harmful? I usually think I know the motivations and conflicts before I start. But then as I'm writing, new things always arise that make the story better/more interesting and complex.
   
4. Are you a procrastinator or does the itch to write keep at you until you sit down and work? I guess a little of both, if you can be. I can get in procrastination phases, but I'm not a good procrastinator when it comes to writing--ie, I don't have fun procrastinating. It feels like something is hanging over my head.
   
5. Do you write in short bursts of creative energy, or can you sit down and write for hours at a time? Again, I think I do both. It just depends on my mood and the time I have to spare.
   
6. Are you a morning or afternoon writer? I'm in the process of training myself to write anytime. My life is just not calm enough to allow for a regular time for me to sit in front of my computer.
   
7. Do you write with music/the noise of children/in a cafe or other public setting, or do you need complete silence to concentrate? I'm realizing how incredibly flexible I am--again, my answer is that I can go with any of the above. Though if I'm in a bad mood, noise will annoy the crap out of me.
   
8. Computer or longhand? (or typewriter?) I do my journal long hand, but my actually stories are all typed.
   
9. Do you know the ending before you type Chapter One? Or do you let the story evolve as you write? I agree completely with what Becca wrote: "I usually think I know the ending - but it seems like it often surprises me!"
10. Does what’s selling in the market influence how and what you write? No. I don't think it really makes sense to try to write one way or another. It'd kinda be like asking me to grow my 5'2" body into that of a super model. Plus, by the time you notice a trend in publishing, it's way too late to start writing something in that mode and get it published before the trend has passed.
    
11. Editing/Revision - love it or hate it? I both love and hate it. I hate the pressure I feel when I revise--ie, that I need to be perfect because I'm perfecting something. But once I get into it, I enjoy the process because it allows me to get even deeper into the story/characters.
    

Thanks Becca for the great meme!

A schedule

I'm off schedule--both in terms of blogging and general writing-- since I was away for a long weekend, visiting family and getting some beach time. But as I wrote about last week, I had a major epiphany with the story I'm working on. And now I have a plan to tackle the story: I'm going to start over. Completely over. Just rewrite it from scratch. I've done this before and found it helpful, though I'm not sure why. Maybe not having something to fiddle with makes me try things that I wouldn't try otherwise. In any case, here's my plan to get a draft down this week:

Today: At lunch, go to the hospital near my office and journal about being there--the sounds, smells, sights, etc. This is important since my story takes place in the hospital.

Tomorrow: After work (before hitting a jazz concert with B), write the first scene, where Janine brings her husband to the hospital after convincing him that he is having a heart attack, not indigestion. They're nasty to each other, and he brings up the fact that she killed his dog.

Thursday: During lunch, write the second scene, where Janine fumes in the patient lounge, and overhears a doctor apologize to a patient and be forgiven. She fumes even more about not being forgiven for something much smaller, that happened much earlier.

Friday: After work, before doing whatever B and I are doing, Journal about Janine's friendship with Rita, who comes into the next scene. I need to get a better understanding of how these two interact.

Saturday and Sunday: We have a few plans this weekend, but I will find time to write each day, getting through: the third scene, where Janine's friend Rita comes to the hospital, and asks Janine a bunch of questions that makes us (the reader) realize that what Janine has been thinking/telling us about her marriage isn't exactly true. And the final scene, where Janine finds out her husband came out of surgery alive, and she realizes how much work she has ahead of her to repair her marriage.

This is the first story where I'm using an unreliable narrator. I'll probably blog about that experience sometime later this week.

Why I write

A fellow writer told me about a dream she recently had where she just published a piece of writing, and then said to a friend, "I'm grateful for the work but I know that when it finally gets published, that good feeling is pretty fleeting." And I know from experience that that sentiment is true. With every goal I reach, I feel good for a fraction of the time that it took to get there.

So why bother writing? I had a glimpse of my answer on Sunday. After writing for a few hours--the miserable kind of writing, where I grumbled the whole time, wondering what the f I was doing, wondering why I don't just give up and spend my time, oh, making cocktails--I had my very own Ah-Ha moment. Something clicked in my story. I got perspective and saw that my way into the story was through using my character's perception of the setting (the hospital) to mirror my character's feelings (confusion and anger about her marriage).

It felt so good to get those pieces to click! As good as meeting any external goal (graduating from a degree program, publishing a newspaper story) has ever felt. And it's lasted a lot longer, too. In fact, I'm still riding on the feeling, which has allowed me to write a little bit of the story each day without grumbling and wanting a drink.

So that's why I write. For the feeling that comes from finally--finally!--making a story work.

Though getting published would be nice, too. :)

I'd love to hear why you write. Leave a comment.

My week in Photos (6)

Monday through Friday of last week looked like this:




Then with a little help of

Comfort foods like:
and




And an afternoon spent like this:


And two evenings filled with good conversations with good friends, and this week I am more like:

Funk

Like Poetmom, I'm in a bit of a writer's funk. I've been having a very stressful summer for reasons I don't want to go into, and I think all of this stress is taking its toll in a few ways: I'm really moody and prone to crying at just about any moment, and I feel too emotionally tired to write. Because writing, I'm noticing for probably the millionth time, takes a lot of emotional energy. Just beating back those critics who sit on my shoulder mumbling, "You're wasting your time. This scene is stupid, you're going to cut it anyway, just stop writing," takes a lot of energy. And i'm afraid I just don't have it right now.

But the bigger conundrum is that I know that not writing isn't going to make me feel any better. In fact, it's going to make me feel worse. So I'm going to make myself follow a new routine. I'm hoping that, like with going to the gym, dragging my butt to the page will get easier and easier each day.

New Plan
* Go to sleep by 10. Stress is tiring, and therfore I need more sleep. Being in bed by 10 means that I'll actually be asleep by 11, which means that I'll actually get 8 hours of sleep.

*Write everyday. At least 15 minutes each week day, and 2 hours each weekend day. I'm hoping that the small weekday goal will lead to longer writing jags, but I don't want to set the bar too high and then just give up.

*Concentrate more at work. I end up wasting too much time at work, and then feel guilty and stay late to get things done. I'm going to disable my work IM, which we all really use to chat rather than for work. And I'm going to limit my online breaks to 10 minute chunks of time. No more getting sucked into one website, and then another...

Sunday Scribbling: Ask

The first phrase that popped into my head when I read this week's prompt was "Ask and ye shall receive." This reminded me of Becca's post this week about how she decided she needed to do something to take her writing to the next level and that day she saw a sign advertising a new writing group that sounds like it's convenient to her. She called it the universe at work.

My mother has often prays on things, and finds an answer soon thereafter.

My take? It's not so much the universe or God fixing your problems for you, but it's the power of articulating a goal, and then directing yourself and your energy toward meeting it. So asking God or the Universe for a million dollars isn't going to do anything. But asking for a million dollars might make you realize how very important it is for you to have a million dollars, which could spark you figuring out a way to get there. That, to me, is the power of prayer or putting your desires "into the universe".

But now that I type this, I realize, too, that I believe a little bit of mystery is involved too. Like just working out a problem isn't the whole she-bang. Maybe it's that getting to the point where you'll pray for something means that you've thought long and hard about it yourself already. Or maybe it's the surrender of asking for help that gets your subconscious going full force on the problem.

It seems natural to end this post with a few requests for the universe/God/my subconscious/ whomever.

1. I'd like to find a way to better integrate my writing into my daily life. Right now it's feeling a bit more like a tack-on/must do, than an organic part of my day.
   
2. I'd like a best friend. I know I am ridiculously fortunate to have a husband whom I adore and who is also my best friend, and to have many other friends with whom I can celebrate things like my house warming, and a few other friends who I feel super close to even though they are not physically nearby. But I miss having one really good girlfriend who I can do everything with, who I can sit around and do nothing with, who really knows me and understands me, who I can plan on being around for the rest of my life. Not having that makes me feel lonely at times.
   
3. I'd like to publish some stories. I'm guessing lots of people have this goal. But I really, really want it. Like when I think about what I want to accomplish in my life, this (in varying forms, ie publish a novel) is pretty much the only thing I'd be ridiculously disappointed about not doing.

What do you want? And do you believe that articulating your goals has any power?

Ugh

Ever have one of those weeks that is so insanely frustrating and stressful that you feel like you could literally explode? Having one. Right now. No fun.

Just scheduled a massage for this weekend. Sigh.

Wednesday Wrap Up (5)

Good news to report! I finally, finally, finally sent out my story! I sent it to only two places, since many are closed for the summer, one contest and one general publication. Without the pressure of having professed here that I was going to mail it, I know I would've procrastinated. So thank you, dear readers, for "making" me do it.

I also spent some time editing a short, short story, which still needs some work but is getting there.

All in all, a success of a week.

Next week's goal is to get a draft of my Dead Dog story down. Right now I have a million pieces of it: a few blog posts, some random Word docs, etc. I hope to piece them all together and have a semi coherent first draft.